Friday, 28 September 2018

I QUIT My Job. Now What?

I quit my job.

Dis sh*t is not like me, not like me in the slightest. Although I casually yell YOLOOOOOOO at least 12 times a day, I've never done anything as reckless as jib off a decent paid job with nothing lined up to go to

I'm fed up of being taken advantage of, lied to and pretty much being [metaphorically] bummed on the daily - as well as being constantly thrown under the bus & having to clean up other people's steaming turds of messes; project wise. 

I'm fed up of waking up with dread, the constant uncertainty & the toxic vibes. Being held prisoner to a paycheck & being made to work every hour under the sun for fear of being sacked if you say no. Crying like a newborn [or like Clive Balls did when I got him] in a service station carpark to a customer who tipped me over the edge. Being threatened verbally, non-verbally & in the sense of feeling like your P45 is on its way. I can always make more money, but I can't make more time. And I can't take feeling like this anymore; especially after my conversation with HR made it clear that nothing is going to change as quickly as it needs to.

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Even now, knowing I've handed in my notice and done it all officially & formally, I still have this terrible sense of dread I'll go back on Monday & be laid off with immediate effect. Bad, isn't it? It sounds like I work direct for Satan itself reading this - but I'd like to clarify that this isn't the case. Just a job and business I no longer align with; and I guess that's okay.

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I am a bit worried and overwhelmed; my brain just wants to shut down & sleep for a while & there are some definite panic vibes in my life RN [dreading telling me Ma] - but overall, relief and a little excitement of where I may be in a few months time. The freedom & creativity to choose & define my future. I generally thrive off stability and routine... so not having a plan or a solid roadmap to go off is freaking me out more, the more I think about it. 

But I do already have a potench job offer [if I want it / can make it work], a potential interview next week and a few other blogging plans in the pipeline - so it's not looking too bleak or terrifying right now. Thankfully. I also have a fab support network from the Leadership & Management course I'm doing - and a wealth of opportunities & things to read up on. I also am working a 2 month notice period - which gives me bags of time to think about the future & make some plans.

Ultimately, I can't continue to put money above my own mental health. I can't be everyone's buffer, everyone's punching bag. I can't just keep going in to a situation that is inevitably going to implode at any given minute - and working unpaid overtime, all the time - just to keep a regular wage coming in. My main fear [which, as I've just found out they've done me right over with my contract] is that I'll be sacked anyway, so I'm choosing to leave before I am pushed; maintaining my dignity and keeping my head held high.

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I don't know what the implications of this decision will be when I return to the office on Monday. Before this role, I'd only just come out from under the clutch of an evil, manipulative, lying little chode of a boss who didn't used to pay us and would hold us ransom pretty much; playing God with who he decided to pay and when. So my levels of trust are low & my levels of being f*cked over are high. But I'm hoping that this somewhat impulsive decision actually turns out to be one of the best ones I've made in my life; opening up the doors to a career I enjoy & a fresh start in 2019.

Wish me luck, gang! A lot is about to change in my life.

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