There are two things very close to my heart [well, amongst a few I suppose as I'm pretty overdramatic] and those things are honesty [I'm always swearing away and trying to stay as true to myself as I can online] and coffee. I live for a good brew, although I've cut down a bit recently, cos I've not been that well [cue tiny violins playing in the background] ... Monday without coffee is like... a bath without water. IMPOSSIBLE. And both of these two situations potentially could lead to disastrous results; of the tired and smelly variety. So in my opinion, neither should be attempted.

[Image source & credit - Honest Coffees]

For me personally, my three years at uni were the greatest and most triumphant days of my life. I had a frigging blast, made some great memories and learned a lot about myself in my time there. But it's not all like floating in a drunken student bubble powered by beans & super noodles - as well as all the highs that life at uni brings, there are also some inevitable lows. 

Hopefully, if you're new to or just starting out at university, this no bullsh*t guide will give you a few ideas of what to expect. Obviously there's plenty more I could tell you - and plenty more to I'd love to talk about, so if you wanna hear more, let me know and I'll get writing!

Fresher's Week

Everyone raves about Fresher's Week like it's the best thing ever and omg if you miss it, you're proper missing out and will die alone. But it's not the best thing ever. I thought that mine, personally, was sh*t. And a lot of other people I've asked have agreed; that it is in reality, a pile of wank. 

So honestly, don't worry if you're still a bit homesick or perhaps feel you haven't made life long friends - because give it a few weeks, and it'll all change again. You'll first start to meet people in halls & in Fresher's events etc - and there's loads of pressure to like MAKE ALL THE NEW FRIENDS NOW. But then when you start your course, things change again - and you'll meet more new people. You'll start to recognise faces in halls over the coming weeks and strike up conversations smashed off cheap cider in the common room / washing your pants / taking the kitchen bin that STINKS of eggs out. The following few weeks after were, for me, WAY better than Fresher's ever was - I think it's waaaayyyy over-hyped. So don't worry if it leaves you feeling distinctly underwhelmed.

The Laundrette

Make sure you always have coins [and a few spare] for the laundrette - those b*stard machines eat up your change right in front of your eyes. And there's always that one bad crank of a washer that WILL NOT accept your 20p, no matter how many times you scrape it on the edge. 

I recommend visiting the laundrette pretty early, on a day when you know most people will be hungover; so you can just slide right in there and get your pants washed nice 'n' early. Otherwise, it can be a mare fighting over the washers - especially the dryers - during busy times. 

Also, another important tip - always arrive about 5 minutes before your load is about to end. During busy times, other students WILL open the dryer, take out your washing and just dump it on the side so they can use the machine. So your pants, bras, embarrassing pjs and unicorn onesie will be just all laid out nicely for all to see. I say laid out nicely - chucked somewhere for you to find, in a fit of rage. And don't go when the facilities are about to close either; or you'll end up naked, with your clothes held hostage overnight.

Love & Bangin'

No matter what your relationship status, sexuality or experience level you go to uni with - never ever feel pressured to do, conform or explain it to anyone. They can all sh*t off, k? 

You can go to uni in a happy, committed relationship and make it work. You can go single, club neck the living sh*t out of life and be happy. You can go comfortable in your sexuality, ready to explore it, as a virgin or a sexual goddess - just know that no matter what your status, there's HUNDREDS of other students just like you & you're never alone in what you're feeling. 

Don't feel pressured by that whole 'you'll meet the one true love of your life at university' bullsh*t. Fair enough, you might... but when I look back through all the wrong'uns and downright weird b*stards I met during my time there, I don't think I did. If you don't wanna go out and get smashed, don't. If you wanna neck on like a demon possessed - you do you, gal! Or if you're looking for love, you may well find it. Just be aware that during Fresher's Week, emotions run very high - in fact, for the first few months. So you might feel confused about your feelings - or meet a boy / gal you think you're falling for, only to find out they have no intent on getting in a relationship so soon after going to uni. But you'll move on.

No matter what, ALWAYS BE SAFE AND CONSENSUAL, K? There WILL be awkward sex talks and slide shows of STDs during your first few days on campus. And they will haunt you years to come. Although when you're sat in a room of people you've known for about a minute this can be awkward AF [especially when that one guy faints hahaha] it's important shiz.

The 2 Week Slump

You start the first few weeks of uni life on a high. You've got your loan [HELLO TOPSHOP], you've got your own place, you've made new friends and you're getting to go out & experience this whole new world. But there will be a slump that hits you like a stack of [sh*tty] bricks at some point - and that's okay. 

I found mine hit me about 2-3 weeks in. After all the initial excitement, my flatmates were being dead immature / petty and I found myself getting really p*ssed off with how sly & cliquey girls can be sometimes. I'd never felt remotely homesick in my life, but I started to [just a bit, like.] I was confused, annoyed, felt a bit isolated and used to slam textbooks on the wall to stop them from sitting in the other room whispering to each other late at night. But it went away. I made even more friends, started to get close to some of the people on my course & then all the coursework started - and all my happiness and new found freedom came back, and I started to feel like myself again. Just stronger. 

You can always talk to someone if you're feeling a bit like this - chances are, pretty much everyone will be feeling similar at some point. And there's people on campus specially trained that you can chat to. Or knobheads online, like me. 

Try and have a few home comforts in your room to ease your sense of dread / anxiety during moments like this. I had an Ambi Pur plug in that used to make me feel calm and relaxed when I was raging like a rabid badger inside; it's funny how different scents and aromas can arouse different feelings within us. 

Oils, diffusers and candles are perfect for uni digs - perhaps if you're a lecturer, student welfare department or part of the community support team who live in halls to check in on your student reading this [alternative angle that, hey!] you might want to invest in some wholesale essential oils to fragrance halls and communal areas. Little touches make even the most clinical and uniform of places a million times more comforting to homesick students #JustSayin. Rather that than than the rancid poo smell coming from the communal bin that noone wants to empty, yeno.

Fresher's Flu

Unfortunately, the majority of us will come down with this mysterious lurgy during the first few weeks of uni life. Whereas a lot of people will tell you it's because you've been kissing too many boys / girls [and this is definitely one way to get it faster!] it's not purely down to that. If you think about it, you've moved away from the comfort of your own home, you're getting less sleep vs more junk food and meeting new people all the time; each of them bringing in their own germs from different regions of the country / world that your body just ain't used to. So that's why you get sick. But this too, passes.

Sometimes, I get a bit emosh when I think about the opportunities, brands, products and baes that blogging has brought into my life. There's not a day goes by where I don't cackle like a mad smackhead at the messages that go back in forth in our blogger group chat - or send stupid voice notes / die when KT sings a very special version of Despacita. 

I've worked with some amazing companies and been introduced to some fab, game changing products - I just feel so grateful that my new found #bloggerlife has been able to introduce me to what I now class as staple brands in my life.

This week, my Twitter timeline has been FULL of people heading off on holiday to some beautiful parts of the world, such as Greece [which is my ultimate fave place in the world ever], Spain, Turkey, Bali and Florida to name but a few... you guys are truly 'avin it large. 

Unfortunately, due to raaaaaging health issues and a level of debt which is possibly even less manageable than they are [trolololol] I won't be setting foot out of the country this year... but for those of you seeking Autumn / Winter sun, skincare & aftersun care is a MUST. And I've got some 2017 Hero Products from skincare experts Vichy and La Roche Posay to share with you [not literally lol, get yo own] that you should defo consider packing in your suitcase. These bottles, tubes and sprays of expert UV protection ensure the safety and beauty of your skin in the sun [waaaaah, I'm so jealous!] and are suitable for use on all skin types; including sensitive.

I'm talking Vichy's Idéal Soleil 2017 collection and La Roche-Posay's Anthelios range - which are available at larger Boots stores, pharmacies nationwide and at www.boots.com. And for those of you seeking out-of-season sunshine, you're more likely to pick up these products on special offer - great success!

Suncare

Something I've always struggled with when it comes to staying safe in the sun's rays, is facial sun protection. A lot of the products I've tried have made my oily skin, oilier - and felt like they've simply melted off my face in the heat [yum.] There are countless selfies of me which will never see the light of day due to my face being shinier than Kimmy K's arse in those photos, with the greasiness of the products I've put on it to keep it safe. And then there's the fear of breakouts. Urgh. 

Gals, fear no more - I've gotcha. These two miracle products for use on yo face keep your skin mattified, protected from UVA-UVB damage and don't leave you shining bright like a diamond. They're pretty much what I've been searching for all my adult life.

All New La Roche-Posay Anthelios Anti-Shine Invisible Mist*, RRP £14

This is legit the bae of facial suncream, ladies. It's invisible on the skin and applies like a mist - as well as being TOTES makeup friendly; you can wear it under or over makeup, without a trace. Say whaaaaaat?! Perfect for daily use and with a gorgeous, lightweight texture, it boasts high UVA-UVB protection, a hands-free application [so you're not massaging impurities or oils into your face] and has a patented anti-shine formula.

It actually absorbs up to 100x its own weight of sebum [ie oils and sweat and all other sexiness that oozes out of your face on the beach] to proactively control sources of shine, leaving yo sexy mug clean and matte all day. And it weighs next to nothing, in a totes handy spray bottle. 

Best for: Oily Skin [ie me. In a bottle.]

Vichy Tinted Velvety BB Cream SPF50+*, RRP £16.50 for 50ml

Ah, Vichy. One of my all time favourite skincare brands. Their Idéal Soleil 2017 range boasts a patented global anti-UVB and UVA level of protection; in a lightweight, comodegenic-free formula that's dry to the touch. This helps reduce heat rash for those who are prone to a bitta sun-sensitivity [also, me] - providing protection, hydration and skin repairing qualities.

This velvety tinted BB cream illuminates yo face with a glowy, youthful look; whilst protecting it from sun damage, brown spots and premature aging. No-one wants to look like those leathery-skinned old fellas in their Speedos, do they?! It also contains the much loved, blogger ingredient of-the-moment Hyaluronic Acid, which melts into your skin and plumps it up with moisture - leaving your skin smoother, supple and soft. TOTAL babe.

Aftersun Care

Aftersun care is well important - all that beachy / poolside exposure to sun, chlorine and salt water causes your outer layers of skin to dry out; making it look dry, dull and flaky. And no-one wants to invest in a solid 7 hours of sunbathing, only for it to peel off the next day. That's why this genius aftersun product from Vichy is one you ABSOLUTELY must pack for your next vacay.

Vichy Idéal Soleil Double Useage After Sun Oil*, RRP £13.00 for 200ml

This stuff right here. Legit what holiday makers' DREAMS are made of. It looks great, it smells great and it's packed full of greatness  - and it's so easy to use. It's basically the most luxurious, nourishing aftersun ever to exist to mankind - and you can use it IN THE SHOWER or on dry skin. Which is pretty much all kinds of amazing. And it leaves even the most parched [yes, I managed to burn my chest in the UK lol] skin feeling soft and less pink within minutes.

Its proper unique formula hydrates your skin and repairs damage, extending your tan by up to 61%. It smells like a holiday in a bottle - described as mellow summer notes of ocean spray, white flowers amber and musk; which lightly fragrance your skin with a sensual aroma, leaving it comfortable and refreshed. The fact you can use it in the shower, on wet skin [as well as on dry skin] works really well for me; as I always find that having a shower post-sunbathe brings the colour in my skin out. And it saves time, when you're rushing to get ready for your evening meal after a slightly longer dip in the pool than you anticipated!

It's so, so important to look after your skin in the sun's rays - skin cancer is a very real, yet easily avoidable danger; when you dress your skin and body appropriately for the climate. So if you don't like the greasy, oily feeling of your bog-standard suncream on your face - or the somewhat tacky feeling of generic aftersun products, don't just go without. Go to Boots instead, and load up on expert skincare brands like these guys. 100% worth the investment.

Have you been away this year, or do you have any holidays booked over the next few weeks that you're looking forward to? Where are your favourite Winter Sun hotspots?

I'm a miserable old bag, but admittedly; I cry laughing at my own jokes more often than I'd care to admit and I find my own dark, dry sense of humour proper funny. For example, when everyone was doing the 100 days of Happiness hashtag on Instagram a few years back, I decided to do my own version - 100 days Raging instead [on my personal Insta, my imperfect angry images didn't fit the aesthetic of my blog Insta] as a sarcastic and dry parody of my life. 

I laugh till I cry at my own expense, seem to keep getting stuck up sh*t creek without a paddle [or even a boat] and definitely don't take myself too seriously; my dignity has long left me and shame hovers over me like a big, hysterical cloud. But I'm okay with it.

At the moment, in my miserable cynicism, I'm seeing loads of 'Reasons I'm Looking Forward to Autumn' posts. And I'm not. At all. So naturally I thought I'd be a knobhead online and write a post on all the reasons I'm REALLY FRIGGING NOT looking forward to it. And here it is. '20 Reasons Why Autumn is a Bell Piece'.

1. It's sh*tting cold.

2. The impending rise of the electric bill. 

I swear, Scottish Power just lurk in the shadows all Summer... and as soon as Autumn hits then BAM! - they're out to bum me with surprise tariffs and what feels like penalty charges for daring to turn my heaters on.

3. Rain.

What a d*ck.

4. Snow.

Slippery, horrible b*stard. Yes I don't like Autumn, but the impending Winter is even more of a wanker for bringing this upon us.

5. The very real risk of having a firework thrown at you.

Yes, I do live in a pretty shady area - but the number of rockets that have nearly been sent to Uranus [my anus] whilst walking down the sinister big hill behind where I live is too many to count. As I write this post, I just heard some kind of firecracker go off and some kids screaming. It's the most wonderful time of the year.

6. The slip, trip and fall risk.

I sound like an old lady / compensation advert here, but as someone who has been seriously injured in an accident that wasn't my fault, this treacherous time of year makes it dangerous underfoot and in my pants; in terms of how much I sh*t myself, worrying about falling.

7. The impending feelings of expense / doom.

Christmas is not a fun time of year when you're as much of a tramp's arse as I am.

8. The impending New Year .

...and realising how sh*t this one has been and how I've done  literally nothing except scroll Twitter and get fatter. 

Also the impending realisation that the annual bodycon dress & glamour of Christmas Party / NYE season is on its way... and desperately googling plastic surgery and assessing how much lipo is going to set me back. Gosh darn those cookies!!

9. It's not Summer.

10. I don't like PSLs.

Hell, I don't even like the abbreviation.

11. Candles.

I don't burn candles often, as I got in trouble with the letting agency  for having done in the past and them staining the walls with their black plumes of smoke. Yeah, cheers Yankee Candle. Plus there's the fact that I'd have to remortgage the flat I can't even afford to rent to buy some of the expensive b*stard candles everyone's burning freely in their homes. Hell, even the Primark ones are out of budget right now.

12. Darkness.

Everything looks about a million times creepier.

13. The very real risk of flipping the channel over to reveal ET.

I hate that creepy b*stard, and the film is pretty much always on at this time of year. It's like ET Roulette flipping the channels; he's gonna be there, but on which one? Usually ITV, I've learned.

14. My washing takes sh*tting AGES to dry.

15. Having to switch my Insta aesthetic up and change blog props.

I like my pink theme. It's so much hassle transitioning to red. Well, it's not really but yeno. WERK.

16. Everyone being happy and loving Christmas

...When to me, Christmas is just a barrage of financial stress and hardship I'd much rather bin off in favour of duvet days and bourbon biscuits. And a massive trigger for my anxiety.

17. The struggle of getting out of bed being even more real.

It's hard enough when it's warm and the sun's streaming through my cheap-arse blinds; let alone when it's pitch black and Scottish Power make it near enough impossible to turn the heaters on without a surprise bumming.

18. Coats.

I HATE wearing coats. As soon as Winter's over, I aggressively bin them. So I'm also sans coat atm, which means more expense.

19. Jumpers and shapeless clothing.

I look like a sack of sh*t.

20. The lack of sun and Vitamin D.

This means my flaky nails get even worse and my brittle arse bones continue to live their deficient lives and get weaker. Jeez, I'm a fossil.

And with that, I'm gonna drop the mic; as I'm aware that everyone else on my Twitter timeline seems to proper love Autumn and I'll probably get lynched for writing this. And despite moaning on like the cantankerous old bag I am, I can't actually stop Autumn from coming [or afford to move to a different climate to avoid it.] But in my sarcastic mind, I've actually lolled all the way through writing this post - and I hope at least some of you will be with me on the points I've raised!

Do you like Autumn / Winter? In which case, have I proper offended you? Soz if so. Or are you more of a Summer gal, like me? Let me know in the comments below. And I still love yas all, even if we do have differing opinions on which seasons of the year are the best. 

Different opinions are great - they're healthy and raising conversation / healthy debate with others on them is fab. What isn't fab is being a cockweed to others about them on social media and refusing to accept anyone else's opinion but your own. Which I'd never do. 

Raise them PSLs high gals [just nowhere near me!] and let's embrace our differences. And then possibly embrace me too, cos I get no action these days and I'm miserable about that as well.

PSL out.

From falling [publicly] on my arse several times, accidentally flashing strangers, pulling using a digital horse as my wingman, 4am toast appreciation sessions and my card getting declined for a solitary tin of Smart Price tuna - my life as an adult has been filled with comedy gold. Or severe emotional trauma, whichever way you decide to look at it. 

Several of these hilarious yet insanely embarrassing / hilar moments have, of course, been centred around dating and those of the opposite sex. As a heterosexual [gay4Gweni, tho] knobhead of a human, I've shown myself up in countless social situations and romantic interactions over the years. Some of which I thought I'd share with you guys today, for a laugh.

I think it's important to remember that the path to meeting new people isn't always smooth, fruitful or even necessarily worth it, if they turn out to be a total cockweed; but it IS a lot of fun and 100% worth putting yourself out there for, if you're ready / looking. You never know who you'll meet, or what fun is ahead.

It's not going to come as a shock to any of you that I've pretty much always got a bottle of So...? fragrance close by. I've only just got out of hospital... but during my time in there, I had like all the nurses coming in for a spritz of my collection; they were always in my room admiring my bottles and borrowing my magazines. I spent so bloody long in there, that it became like one big girly sleepover, where we checked my arse for bedsores and instead of plaiting each other's hair, checked my blood pressure instead. Anyway, let's not get onto my arse again.

I ranted, raved, wept and professed my love about So...?'s new range of stylish scents in this post a little while ago; if you remember... mostly rambling on about how much I adore these fashionable new fragrances, their on-point new branding and about how each of these distinct scents allow you to express and complement your unique fashion / style  via scintillating the senses. Well my So...? baes are back at it again - they've just released three super affordable, super pretty Body Mist counterparts to the bestselling So...? Collection perfumes mentioned here - and they're everything.

They look great, they smell fantastic... plus, unlike their perfume counterparts, these high-end looking body mists come in plastic bottles with pump dispensers. Which is pretty bloody handy - you can [literally] throw one in your gym bag, handbag, clutch bag for nights out or overnight bag to take to bae's without worrying it's going to smash on you in the process. 

These brand new body mists boast the same, beautiful fragrances we've enjoyed all Summer - in a less potentially-smashy bottle, but with just as long-lasting of a formula - in time for Fashion Month. London Fashion Week kicks off on the 15th September this year, and I can't wait to get some style & beauty inspo from the catwalk; matching the mood of my fave fragrances to the new season's latest looks.

So, now you've heard a little more about what's on offer... here's the fun part - one lucky reader will win all three of these FAB new fashion fragrances from So...? - and it couldn't be easier to be in with a chance. Head to Twitter, find my pinned tweet, follow me & So...? and retweet it. Boom - if you're over 18 and live in the UK, that's all you need to do to enter. 

More detailed T&Cs are listed below - good luck gang! While I'm here, I'm going to say PLS no quote tweets - they do my tree in and there's only one entry per person anyway, so they don't count. Giveaway ends on the 15th September 2017 - so you can enjoy London Fashion Week with your new fashion fragrance mists like an absolute queen.

Terms & Conditions

COMPETITION: LoveLaughsLipstick X SO...?

1. No purchase necessary

2. The Contest is open to candidates aged 18 of age and over who are legal residents of the UK excluding employees of Incos Ltd (the “Sponsor”) their affiliates, licensees, agents and members of their respective immediate families and anyone professionally associated with the administration of this promotion.

3. CONTEST PERIOD. All eligible entries have to be submitted between the 8th of September 11:00 GMT 2017 and the 15th of September 23:59 GMT 2017. Only one entry per person. Multiple entries will not be counted and will be cancelled. Quote  tweets will NOT be counted.

4. Incos Ltd. or its distributors do not accept any responsibility for late or lost, ineligible or incomplete entries

5. WINNERS: One winner will be chosen at random and contacted by myself [@love_lippy] via Direct Message on Twitter; within 48 hours of the contest closing.

6. PRIZE DETAILS: The winner will receive All three (3) So...? Collection Fragrance Mists.

7. Prizes must be taken as stated and cannot be deferred although Incos Limited reserve the right to change the prizes in the event of unforeseen circumstances to the same value or higher. There will be no cash alternative.

8. CANCELLATION AND AMENDMENT: The Sponsor reserves the right to amend or cancel this Contest at any time.

9. SOCIAL MEDIA: The promotion is in no way sponsored, endorsed or administered by, or associated with Twitter. By participating in this contest, you agree to a complete release of liability of Twitter, who is not affiliated with this promotion. You understand that you are providing your information to the Contest Sponsor and not to Twitter.

10. Entrants and parents and/or legal guardians of Entrants under the age of 18 years old will be deemed to have accepted the official Terms and Conditions (the “Rules”) and to agree to be bound by them.

11. The Promoter is Incos, Congress House, Lyon Road, Harrow, HA1 2EN, UK