#Halloween

Happy Halloween Eve guys! 


I've been feeling a lot more festive and a lot marginally less grumpy this year, so I thought I'd embrace the occasion and bash out a cheeky post dedicated to Halloween [and the triumph this day holds in allowing you to look totally grim and get away with it, cos you can pretend you're in costume.]


I had high hopes for doing a cheeky Expectation vs Reality special for Halloween this year - there was some amazingly creepy, yet insanely brilliant costumes doing the rounds on eBay. I ordered myself a 'sexy' banana costume for 99p, which I was buzzing about because: 


1. Just think of all the a-peeling puns I could have made all-the-time-ever in my post - I would have [banana] split my sides 


and 2. When it comes to Halloween, is there anything more sexy or appropriate than dressing as a massive, yellow, phallic shaped piece of fruit? LOL #irony. Hilarious irony, though.


However, the sh*thouse on eBay attempted to do a runner with my whole 99p and never sent the item. So instead, you can have the second most scary thing I have to offer you - photos of my face. 


Here's a few simple Halloween makeup ideas, to give you both inspo and the creeps simultaneously. Please bear in mind that I'm not a MUA or any form of expert, I just try to make the best of a bad situation i.e. my face. On a budget.






Deirdre the Dead Nurse | Costume from Smiffys, bought from Depop | Fake blood spray from Smiffys, bought from eBay | White face paint, £1.99 from B&M Bargains | Dead looking eyes, cheeks and general face achieved with black eyeshadow, eyeliner and falsies; all from home





Kitty Cat the Creep | Headband £1.77 inc postage from eBay | White face paint, £1.99 from B&M Bargains | Everything else achieved with makeup from home




Day of the Dead basic | Headband £5.99 inc postage from eBay | Everything else achieved with makeup from home - eyeshadow and eyeliner, namely




Day of the Dead - with a splash of colour | Headband £5.99 inc postage from eBay | Colourful face paint, £4 from eBay | Everything else achieved with makeup from home - eyeshadow and eyeliner, namely

Things to note about these looks / things I learned the hard way


- Minus the fake blood and face paint, all of the beauty products I used to create these looks were things I already owned. Hello budget <3 You don't need to pure splash out on loads of specialist stuff - as bloggers, we already own most of the stuff we might need e.g. lipsticks, eyeliners, eyeshadows, lip liners etc.


- DO NOT play with fake blood on a school night. This sh*t stains. I definitely went to the office looking like I'd been on a mad murdering rampage the night before. Probs not a great look.


- What they don't tell you is that it's not always the more expensive stuff that does the best job. So shop around. I bought this 
Day of The Dead kit I got from Smiffys and it was a massive effing let down - the glittery eye things would not stick for sh*t and really annoyed me pure flapping around. Plus the face paints in this kit were terrible.



Creepy as hell, right? Please excuse the apparent pawprint I've drawn on my fod there as well. Oh and the white facepaint I've got on here - that's the B&M stuff. Probably should have extended the white facepaint to my orange body too, but meh.


-They [I don't actually know who this 'they' are that I keep referring to lol] also don't care to mention that if you play with Halloween makeup during the working week, not only will you go to the office stained with sinister looking fake blood splatters - if you smother face paint on your skin a lot, you'll also be heading in with about 3 million spots too.


- If you want a truly dead look, don't apply white face paint over your foundation like I did initially - or you wont look as dead as you want. You'll just look a bit dead but with a bangin' tan.


- You're probably better to use your own products for some things; for a sharper, cleaner looking edge. The crayons and liners etc that you get in these sets just leave what you've drawn looking faded and you cant achieve a smooth, clean edge.


- Finally, always have a back-up plan / costume set to hand - for example, the
Smiffys white face paint is pretty shoddy, however, the one in my £1.99 full on kit from B&M Bargains was amaze.


....and with those chilling realities, I will leave you to ponder your own costume for the weekend.


Have an amazing
Halloween guys - I look forward to stalking your looks on Twitter and Instagram.


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Are you off out this Halloween? What are you dressing as?

Trying Something New, with Luxemme*

When Luxemme got in touch with me the other week and offered me the chance to choose something from their collection to review, I dropped it like it was hot and headed straight to their website to have a stalk.

I won't lie, I'd never heard of these guys before; but with their fab stock package, lovely modern website and the fact that they are based in Manchester [where I'm from, originally] it wasn't long until I had bookmarked the site and openly declared my love across several emails and social media. I love discovering and supporting new brands and I instantly loved how unique Luxemme's stock is compared to other online boutiques - you know what I mean; every online boutique, fashion retailer and Depop seller seems to have the exact same stock imagery at the moment and it proper grinds my gears

Anyway, I chose the Zara Luxe Snake Detail Swing Dress* [rrp £30.00] from Luxemme's Limited Edition range [you can shop the look here.] I'm a UK size 12 at the moment, as my hips don't lie [although they do break pretty easily, it appears] and the twins are loving life; so I placed an order for this size. And it fits perfectly - with a little room to spare actually; so if you're inbetween sizes, you could probably afford to go for the smaller size in Zara [woohoo!] The dress is a gorgeous, pleated chiffon material with a soft neck tie, which flaunts a sexy, backless look for a little extra va-va-voom [urgh, can't believe I've just typed that, I hate that phrase.]



It was a tough choice - so much of the Limited Edition range jumped out at me - but I chose this little beaut for a number of reasons, some of the main ones being:


1. I don't have any other dresses this style at the moment and Jess behind the fabulous Blonde of Carbs blog gave me loads of inspo with this look she posted recently.

2. I love animal print - but yet own so little of it. I adore that it can be dressed up so easily and worn in so many ways; to me, it oozes glamour and sexiness [when worn in the right way, not a la Kat Slater {soz, bird}]

3. Christmas Party Season. This dress is PERFECT for this time of year. But then also, it's ideal to take away with you on holiday; for drinks during the evening, paired with sandals and a nicely tanned back.

4. It's so floaty. And we all know, floaty combats bloaty. This dress is the perfect little number to wear for any one of the the 3 million mandatory Christmas meals you get invited to at this time of year, with a nice jacket or blazer.

5. You can spin round in it like a proper prinny and it flows out behind you. I might be knocking on a bit, but I don't even care. I span around listening to some throwback anthems on Spotify whilst taking these photos and not one solitary sh*t was given. #Yolo. The spin factor is a perfectly valid piece of criteria to take into account when picking just about anything new for your wardrobe. As far as I'm concerned.





I'm absolutely made up with this dress - it's something I know I'll get tons of wear out of and is also something a little different than I'd usually choose; so I feel like I'm breaking out of my fashion comfort zone and boy, it feels good. The whole experience dealing with Luxemme was proper lovely - my dress came wrapped in tissue paper with a gorgeous handwritten envelope containing my delivery note, which made me feel about a million dollars [despite having about minus one million dollars to my name.]

I was that impressed that, being honest, I've already headed back and picked up another piece from Luxemme's range since [which you might have clocked on my Instagram or Twitter] which I'll feature on the blog early next week.

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What are your thoughts? Do you love this dress as much as I do? Have you ordered from Luxemme before, or do you have your eye on anything on their site?


*This item was gifted to me by Luxemme, however, all opinions etc are my own as I'd never lie to you guys - it's not big and it's not clever.

#NOTD - What's on My Nails This Week?

So, other than the aforementioned orangey tint from fake tans past, what's on my nails this week? Well, I'll tell you. My nails are currently a classic, postbox red in Rimmel's Kate Moss Salon Pro Nail Polish; shade 114 Mars. I actually got this as a freebie with one of my Boots orders this time last year - keep your eyes peeled guys, they have some insane offers on around Christmas, not just those famous Soap & Glory sets that everyone goes off their tits about.




I love red nails. There's just something so classic; so British about them. I've been getting right into Instagram at the moment and being pure inspired by the nails I'm seeing crop up there - which are mostly black, white, matte or soft pastels. Due to such, I haven't touched my classic red nail polish for a while and it feels bloody brilliant to get my signature red back ooooon. Though this polish has started to go a bit gloopy now with age, so I'm going to have to reinvest over the next few weeks.




I finished this look off with my Bourjois Rapid Drying Drops again. I'm still not sure exactly how I feel about these, I always seem to end up smudging my nails after I've used them, which I'm pretty sure defeats their purpose. Meh.


What's on your nails this week? What do you think of this colour? Do you have any Rimmel recommendations?

The Perfect Staple Tee*... For You OR Your Fella

Sometimes, I wear men's clothes. AND I'M PROUD. In fact, I know a number of girls who do. I always head straight over to the men's sportswear, loungewear, t-shirt and vest sections in River Island, Primark or any sportswear departments I happen to step foot in. I love the versatility of men's clothing. Buying a top or a vest designed for a bloke in a size medium or large [for me] makes for a gorgeous oversized t-shirt dress or longer vest to wear with leggings / skinny jeans. They're so comfy - PLUS it dramatically reduces the chances of me bumping into another girl at a party wearing the same outfit [though her boyfriend, not so much.]



Recently, I was offered the chance to receive and review a top of my choice from a fab online store called Reem Clothing

They say: 'Shopping at Reemclothing.com lets you enjoy the convenience and cost savings associated with online shopping  - without compromising on the high levels of service and security you would expect from a top class high street retailer. And all without leaving the comfort of your own home.

And that sounds bloody perfect to me!

I'll be honest - it was really hard to choose, as there were a number of tops I was perving over during the selection process [not to mention the models wearing them. Holy hell.] But in the end, I ended up receiving this one, the Ellesse Prado AW15 t-shirt* in a size medium. It costs just £20 to buy [which I thought was really reasonable for a brand] and I LOVE it. It's so comfy, soft and vintage looking - and there's so many ways to style it. It's become my go-to staple piece.





Aside from just being worn on a man in a manly way [which also looks fit], this little vintage-esque number can be styled in so many ways. I have taken to throwing it on when I finish work of an evening or for when I'm about to get my blog on, but men's clothing has so many possibilities for us birds.

For example, it looks great worn as an oversized t-shirt dress; for that vintage, sports luxe look that's all the rage right now. Because I'm a bit of a a whopper, this is a little short on me to wear as a dress on its own so I'd need to go up a size - so instead, I might tuck it into a bodycon skirt or pair of shorts and wear it that way, instead. I primarily chose this piece to wear as a top, but I just wanted to show you guys how fab it would also be as a dress.



It also looks fab worn with leggings or skinny jeans during the day - for shopping, a day out, coffee with mates, heading off to Asda to do the weekly shop or, like what my life consists of atm, for queuing for about 6 years at the Post Office


And of course - it's the perfect essential for the gym. Throw this on with a pair of sports tights / leggings / joggers / shorts - and you're good to go. I normally feel like a bit of a beast in my gym stuff - it's not particularly flattering, but this is a game changer. 



Plus, I LOVE a bloke in a grey piece of clothing. Grey suits legit send me weak at the knees [although my legs are a bit weak anyway I guess, given all the breaking and dislocating I've been subject to these past few years!] So I might even consider sharing it.

Reem Clothing have such a fab range of literally every branded men's clothing you could choose from - and not like, chavvy Ste from Hollyoaks type clothes either; vintage looking, stylish menswear. There's a number of pieces that straight away caught my eye as potential Christmas pressies for the [sort of] male in my life, as well as plenty of other garments which I don't doubt we'd both get some wear out of. So whether you choose to treat yourself OR your fella, you'll defo find something at a great price at Reem Clothing. Cheers guys!

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What do you think? Have you ordered from Reem Clothing before? What are your top picks from the site? Do you style up men's clothing like me, or have any tips?


*This item was sent to me for review, but all my opinions are my own and truthful as sin - I'd never lie to you guys, it's not big and it's not clever

What's on My Nails This Week, Then?

So, other than a permanent orangey tint from fake tans of the past, what's on my nails this week? Well, I'll tell you. My nails are currently enjoying being a metallic khaki colour, in Rimmel's Kate Moss Salon Pro Nail Polish, shade 144 Mercury. I picked this up at Tesco, but you can get it from a whole host of drugstores / online, too.



It's shimmery, metallic, easy to apply and builds colour really easily. It's also a gel nail polish, which is supposed to last for up to ten days chip free. I really love it - it's something a bit different to what I normally go for, but a shade which is pretty on point for this season.


Excuse the fact that some of my fingers look pure shiny, I thought I'd give my Bourjois Rapid Drying Drops another go - but still ended up smudging one of my nails on my duvet, anyway.


What's on your nails this week? What do you think of this colour? Do you have any Rimmel recommendations?

Can I Be Sexy for £1? Expectation vs Reality #8

Even though no-one ever sees me in my underwear, I've seen some proper mint Insta images of lace bralets and cute little lingerie sets recently which have inspired me - and it's always nice to own something a bit sexy. 


I'd been looking on
Depop at the sets sellers are advertising on there and was thinking of making a purchase, when - by chance, I stumbled across the exact same product [like, exact same stock images and everything] on good old eBay. Whereas on Depop I'd seen these little sets sell for anywhere from £10 - £20, on eBay these sets were £1 [yes, that's right - ONE ENGLISH POUND] including postage. At this point I instantly realised that 1. Sellers are having girls right off online overcharging by that amount and 2. At just £1 for what looked to be such a cute set, it was a perfect contender for some Expectation vs Reality action. 


If you're new reader, hey! You might not be familiar with the
Expectation vs Reality series, so for your convenience here's a little summary to get up to speed:


Looking like Kim Kardashian for £5.99
The dress that looks like posh loo roll / a glorified version of Will from the Inbetweeners' vest
The sh*ttest top I've ever had the displeasure of owning
Rings for small children / pets
The 67p necklace
One sick joke, for 99p


When I buy something - no matter how cheap it is - I want to know what I'm getting will be sh*t hot, not just plain old sh*t. But sadly, more often than not, that amazing looking playsuit you got for a quid and that looked pure fit on the model turns out to be nothing more than a sick joke with lace on.


This, my friends, is what the cool kids call an
'Expectation vs Reality' moment. You know what I mean; you order an absolute bargain online that looks like it's going to be a pure fitty, but then when it arrives... you don't know whether to laugh or cry because of how terrible it is. And sometimes, you just give up and do both; simultaneously. THAT. 


This series tests out some of the cheapest bargains of the internets, to see if they meet the expectations that their stock imagery suggests. Kind of like a cool
Watchdog; with much less Anne Robinson and much more swearing.


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Expectation vs Reality: Part #8 > The £1 Lingerie Experience

Expectation > Black lace lingerie set, somewhat crotchless. I'll be honest, I didn't really buy this set for the crotchless pants, there is zero of that kinda stuff in my life right now. I don't want you guys to think I'm such raging sex fiend, like my postman now does [more on this coming up.] I am quite the opposite, in fact. I just wanted one of these sets for the pretty bralet. 

Anyway, as I said before, I have seen these exact sets sell on Depop for up to £20 a set [they're everywhere, so no doubt you will have noticed these too.] The listing told me that the set was 'One Size' so I made sure I had one english pound to my name and then hit buy.





Reality > Before we even get on to the reality guys, there are two other things I observed / became subject to in placing this order. 

1] Why in the stock imagery, located next to some sexy crotchless underwear, is there a kid's doll knocking about? I've seen this image on Depop about 348273481 times and each time, I shudder a bit. And cherries? This is some creepy subliminal sh*t this.

2] SHAME.  The seller who posted this set to me had helpfully printed 'Sexy Lingerie' in the customs description on the OUTSIDE OF THE PACKET, for all to see. 

This led to an extremely awkward moment between me and the postman. He had a few parcels for me on the day this was delivered, so he was rummaging through his bag reading the addresses on each item of post to check who it was for. He was scrutinising each label in quite some detail and after reading the label on this particular packet, he looked at me, right deep in the eyes.

I naively thought we were just having a moment and maybe we would become great pals, drawn together by our love for Royal Mail. But it turns out that he must have thought I was either a sexual predator or some kind of sexual deviant. I pure smiled at him, too at the time, without realising. FML.

Anyway. Is this lingerie all it's cracked up to be? Was it fit, or indeed sh*t?


The set looks alright actually doesn't it - from a distance and on an edited photo. What isn't obvious is that they look like they would at best, fit a small child or pet dog.

I know they're supposed to be small and sexy. But I mean, they're that small there's no point in you even putting them on. What exactly do they pretend to cover? The back where it ties is up around my shoulders, like a harness on a horse. The cups cover about a millimetre of breast and the split bit is open all the time. So there's no "leave it to the imagination". Just 'Here's my boobs squashed into a lacy horse harness.' I tried to indicate the size of these things with my hand.


The pants are brilliant. Like, insanely brilliant. They look like a slightly oversized hair bobble. And the thong bit at the back moves around, it isn't actually attached to the pants. So if you fancy moving that bit about and giving one bum cheek more breathing space than the other - feel free. 




Conclusion > Sadly, this set would probably fit the doll from in the stock imagery better than it fits me. Or, being more realistic, the child whose doll that actually is. BUT if you're smaller than me [I am a whopper, to be fair] and you fancy trying out one of these sets for £1, click here. I'd say it's worth it, just for the lols.

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What are your thoughts? Have you had any epic 'Expectation vs Reality' moments with things you've bought online, or any amazing bargains off eBay?



*all photo credits [other than my own work] to the seller on eBay

Review: Bourjois Instant Dry Nail Enamel Drops

Things I love in life:

1. Sleeping,
2. Eating,
3. Shopping,
4. Twitter stalking / internet creeping,
5. Weeping over photos of cute pets,
6. Cleaning,
7. Binge watching TV,
8. Snapchat's new filters,
9. Scratchcards,
10. Emojis.

Tragic though it may be, these ten things make up my life on a daily basis. I have divorced Jagermeister and married bleach / an assortment of cleaning products - since my accident just over a year ago I have hung up my heels and started to live the life of a pensioner, as you may have guessed from my top ten passions there. Occasionally I'll go wild and drink one whole glass of wine, but 99.9% of the time, you'll find me engaging in the activities above. Or in the bath.

Therefore, I want to make sure I free up as much time as possible in order to enjoy these 'wild and reckless' activities. And sitting there waiting for about 20 minutes for my nails to dry with a top coat, the heating on and my hairdryer blasting [when I could be stalking your pets on Instagram or up to my neck in a bubble bath] is one of the banes of my existence. 


It was during one of my internet creeping sessions that I noticed Bourjois had a 3 for 2 offer on at Littlewoods. It is no joke that I am the poorest person in the land, so a] I have to buy anything I need with credit of some kind and b] when I see the phrase '3 for 2' or 'Buy one get one free' my soul rejoices. I needed a few new bits, so I ordered my usual Volumizer Mascara and Healthy Mix foundation and for my freebie, I picked out this - the Bourjois Instant Dry Nail Enamel Dryer


It reminds me heavily of High School Science, with the pipette and that [minus the bunsen burners, fires and opportunities to carve your name into the wooden desks.] One drop of this stuff to your nail apparently makes your nail polish dry twice as fast. The pipette is supposed to be designed to ensure that the drop perfectly fits your nail and gets to work, fast.


I had really high hopes for this genius contraption, but as of yet, I've not been that impressed. I felt like the Nutty Professor using the pipette - which was bloody brilliant, but even after a while of having put this onto my nail polish, on the first use, my nails were still tacky and smudged on my duvet [causing me to do a lot of swears, another one of my passions I forgot to put in the top ten above.]

I've used it again since then, which did make most of my nails [bar a few] dry faster, but the drops themselves leave your fingers feeling all greasy and a few of my nails were still quite tacky / prone to smudging.

Maybe I'm just doing it all wrong, maybe I pipetted too much of the liquid onto the nail.... I can't really complain too much, because at the end of the day - this was a freebie. But I can't lie, I was a little disappointed on first use. My life has not been revolutionised and my nails dried only marginally quicker than before, but greasier. Meh.

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Have you tried this product before? Do you know of any alternative products which [actually] achieve the same thing? What's your favourite Bourjois product?