Saturday, 17 October 2015

Can I Be Sexy for £1? Expectation vs Reality #8

Even though no-one ever sees me in my underwear, I've seen some proper mint Insta images of lace bralets and cute little lingerie sets recently which have inspired me - and it's always nice to own something a bit sexy. 


I'd been looking on
Depop at the sets sellers are advertising on there and was thinking of making a purchase, when - by chance, I stumbled across the exact same product [like, exact same stock images and everything] on good old eBay. Whereas on Depop I'd seen these little sets sell for anywhere from £10 - £20, on eBay these sets were £1 [yes, that's right - ONE ENGLISH POUND] including postage. At this point I instantly realised that 1. Sellers are having girls right off online overcharging by that amount and 2. At just £1 for what looked to be such a cute set, it was a perfect contender for some Expectation vs Reality action. 


If you're new reader, hey! You might not be familiar with the
Expectation vs Reality series, so for your convenience here's a little summary to get up to speed:


Looking like Kim Kardashian for £5.99
The dress that looks like posh loo roll / a glorified version of Will from the Inbetweeners' vest
The sh*ttest top I've ever had the displeasure of owning
Rings for small children / pets
The 67p necklace
One sick joke, for 99p


When I buy something - no matter how cheap it is - I want to know what I'm getting will be sh*t hot, not just plain old sh*t. But sadly, more often than not, that amazing looking playsuit you got for a quid and that looked pure fit on the model turns out to be nothing more than a sick joke with lace on.


This, my friends, is what the cool kids call an
'Expectation vs Reality' moment. You know what I mean; you order an absolute bargain online that looks like it's going to be a pure fitty, but then when it arrives... you don't know whether to laugh or cry because of how terrible it is. And sometimes, you just give up and do both; simultaneously. THAT. 


This series tests out some of the cheapest bargains of the internets, to see if they meet the expectations that their stock imagery suggests. Kind of like a cool
Watchdog; with much less Anne Robinson and much more swearing.


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Expectation vs Reality: Part #8 > The £1 Lingerie Experience

Expectation > Black lace lingerie set, somewhat crotchless. I'll be honest, I didn't really buy this set for the crotchless pants, there is zero of that kinda stuff in my life right now. I don't want you guys to think I'm such raging sex fiend, like my postman now does [more on this coming up.] I am quite the opposite, in fact. I just wanted one of these sets for the pretty bralet. 

Anyway, as I said before, I have seen these exact sets sell on Depop for up to £20 a set [they're everywhere, so no doubt you will have noticed these too.] The listing told me that the set was 'One Size' so I made sure I had one english pound to my name and then hit buy.





Reality > Before we even get on to the reality guys, there are two other things I observed / became subject to in placing this order. 

1] Why in the stock imagery, located next to some sexy crotchless underwear, is there a kid's doll knocking about? I've seen this image on Depop about 348273481 times and each time, I shudder a bit. And cherries? This is some creepy subliminal sh*t this.

2] SHAME.  The seller who posted this set to me had helpfully printed 'Sexy Lingerie' in the customs description on the OUTSIDE OF THE PACKET, for all to see. 

This led to an extremely awkward moment between me and the postman. He had a few parcels for me on the day this was delivered, so he was rummaging through his bag reading the addresses on each item of post to check who it was for. He was scrutinising each label in quite some detail and after reading the label on this particular packet, he looked at me, right deep in the eyes.

I naively thought we were just having a moment and maybe we would become great pals, drawn together by our love for Royal Mail. But it turns out that he must have thought I was either a sexual predator or some kind of sexual deviant. I pure smiled at him, too at the time, without realising. FML.

Anyway. Is this lingerie all it's cracked up to be? Was it fit, or indeed sh*t?


The set looks alright actually doesn't it - from a distance and on an edited photo. What isn't obvious is that they look like they would at best, fit a small child or pet dog.

I know they're supposed to be small and sexy. But I mean, they're that small there's no point in you even putting them on. What exactly do they pretend to cover? The back where it ties is up around my shoulders, like a harness on a horse. The cups cover about a millimetre of breast and the split bit is open all the time. So there's no "leave it to the imagination". Just 'Here's my boobs squashed into a lacy horse harness.' I tried to indicate the size of these things with my hand.


The pants are brilliant. Like, insanely brilliant. They look like a slightly oversized hair bobble. And the thong bit at the back moves around, it isn't actually attached to the pants. So if you fancy moving that bit about and giving one bum cheek more breathing space than the other - feel free. 




Conclusion > Sadly, this set would probably fit the doll from in the stock imagery better than it fits me. Or, being more realistic, the child whose doll that actually is. BUT if you're smaller than me [I am a whopper, to be fair] and you fancy trying out one of these sets for £1, click here. I'd say it's worth it, just for the lols.

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What are your thoughts? Have you had any epic 'Expectation vs Reality' moments with things you've bought online, or any amazing bargains off eBay?



*all photo credits [other than my own work] to the seller on eBay
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