Sunday, 13 December 2015

The 99p Dose of Indecent Exposure | Expectation vs Reality #10

Hiya - welcome to the latest post from my Expectation vs Reality series. I'm going to dive straight in and set the scene quickly for you guys here, as you might be a new reader and perhaps somewhat unaware of the rollercoaster of emotions I board regularly when it comes to bargains off eBay. Or you might be very much aware of my ongoing search [although the term 'search' might be better described as a 'losing battle'] for online bargains and just need a quick refresher, as my blogging game has been poor [at best] recently. Soz about that, like.


There's not that much to explain really. I'm well poor. I'm that girl - the one who lurks in the Smart Price aisle at Asda, the one who scavenges food off others like a massive tanned [when I can be arsed fake-tanning] seagull [not even messing, you should see my hands this week - I've cocked up my tanning game royally!!!!] and the kinda bird who picks coins up off the floor no matter what. The high risk of said coins being soaked in scally urine, surrounded by broken glass and ensuring a general loss of dignity are just a few of the hurdles I've come across in my life as a penny picker.


When you combine this with the fact I have an uncontrollable urge to buy things, an addiction to online shopping and that I am also a self confessed eBay junkie - and you have the basis to this series. Boom.


On the rare occasion I can afford to buy something - no matter how little I might have paid for it, I want to know what I'm getting will be sh*t hot, not just plain old sh*t. But sadly, more often than not, that amazing looking playsuit you got for a quid and that looked pure fit on the model turns out to be nothing more than a sick joke with lace on.

This, my friends, is what the cool kids call an 'Expectation vs Reality' moment. You know what I mean; you order an absolute bargain online that looks like it's going to be a pure fitty, but then when it arrives... you don't know whether to laugh or cry because of how terrible it is. And sometimes, you just give up and do both; simultaneously. THAT. 

This series tests out some of the cheapest bargains of the internets, to see if they meet the expectations that their stock imagery suggests. Kind of like a cool Watchdog; with much less Anne Robinson and much more swearing and inappropriate comparisons.

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Expectation vs Reality: Part #10 > The 99p Cut Out

Expectation > Grey cut out t-shirt / tank style mini dress, shipped from China. I ordered this in the biggest size they do - an XL, which is a UK size 10-12. In what universe is a size 10-12 even classed as large / extra large?! 


Anyway.


The 99p cut out mini dress - was it fit or sh*t? Did it live up to expectations or crap all over my dreams? With a little scroll to the images below, all will become very clear. Probably too clear. Prepare to meet my bra.





Reality > Now - from this photo alone, all appears well. You'd be forgiven for thinking that the item actually resembles the one in the stock imagery. 



I made this mistake too. I opened it up from its vacuum packed plastic, took a quick glance at it and didn't either a] chunder, violently or b] break out into uncontrollable laughter - which made me think that it might be alright for the money and that I might be able to do a positive post this week. It was only when I came to try it on, that I noticed one, minor problem with it. Let's see if you can spot what's wrong. 







Wow. I mean. Just wow. Instead of exposing my midriff and my (lack of) abs like the one in the listing, this little beaut decided to take the indecent exposure route and full on get my boobs out. I rofled for about an hour when I realised how much of a [literal] tit I looked wearing this. 


I can't even cope. Every time I look at the photos, it gets funnier. Who wants clothes that cover their modesty, anyway? I won't even start on how short the effing thing is; what with the convenient boob holes and the distinct lack of coverage on the arse, I had to reconsult eBay to check I'd bought something fit for general consumption and not from like, the fetish section. Though this is that sh*t, I can't imagine anyone getting turned on by someone wearing it. Talk about a mood killer... hahahaaaaa.


The icing on the cake for me with this dress / top / ambiguous item from hell, is that this is apparently a size XL as well. Maybe an extra large cat or 4 year old child would get on with this better than I did. LOLOLOLOL. 


Conclusion > I'd go off on some mad tangent like I normally do here about Asian clothing sizes and how they make me feel like an uncontrollable, whopping great man-beast - but I think the photos in this case speak for themselves. I have basically paid 99p for a slice of indecent exposure. And there is little more I can say to conclude this post, other than that. Brilliant.


And if, for all the lols [or if you're planning on treating your pet or newborn baby to a new outfit this Christmas] you fancy ordering yourself a piece of this indecent action, you can do on eBay. I wouldn't recommend it, like. Ever. Not even as a joke. Well, maybe a bit as a joke. It certainly made me laugh.


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What are your thoughts? Have you had any epic Expectation vs Reality moments with things you've bought online, or any amazing bargains off eBay?


*all photo credits [other than my own work] to the seller on eBay
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