Alright guys - I'm baaaaack! Sorry for the silence on the blogging front for the past week or so - I'd say it was a pure organised blogging break and I'd been up to all kinds; but in reality, I've spent most of my time sat in my pants, eating biscuits and watching South Park [like a teenage boy.]

So, I figured, what better way would there be with which to bounce back onto the scene, than with a cheeky Expectation vs Reality post? I've had quite a few new deliveries from Hong Kong / China show up these past few weeks, so I figured that it's about time these beasts were set free on the internet. 

Whereas some of the stuff I've ordered has been pretty alright, it's always funnier to write about something beyond all comprehendible levels of sh*t. So with that thought in mind, I bring you the 99p Top.

Before I begin, I'm just going to set the scene here for any of you new to this series, or any of you who [because of my unscheduled, uncalled for blogging break] may have forgotten what I usually ramble on about in posts like these.

When I buy something - no matter how cheap it is - I want to know what I'm getting will be sh*t hot, not just plain old sh*t. But sadly [as is often the way when you order in stock from China that costs about 3p] that more often than not, that amazing looking playsuit you got for a quid and that looked pure fit on the model turns out to be nothing more than a sick joke with lace on [when it arrives 6 weeks later.]

This, my friends, is what the cool kids call an 'Expectation vs Reality' moment. You know what I mean; you order an absolute bargain online that looks like it's going to be a full on babe, but then when it arrives... you don't know whether to laugh or cry because of how terrible it is. And sometimes, you just give up and do both; simultaneously. THAT.


If you're new to this concept - welcome. And if you're interested as to how my previous bargain hunting missions have gone down you can check a few out herehere and here [spoiler alert, one is that bad it legit looks like a bed-wetting sheet stitched into a garment.]

It's an oddly addictive gamble to take this Chinese eBay malarky. Cos sometimes, you stumble across a legit winner and you're buzzing because it's actually nice and actually only cost you about a quid. But then other times, you receive something so terrible that it makes you question your judgement, life choices and your ability to function as an adult human trying to make it in the world.

Anyway,  this series is dedicated to the Expectation vs Reality concept; kind of like the 'Fit or Sh*t?' beauty features I had going on before I became too poor to afford new makeup to test.

Follow me on my journey as I test out the cheapest products of the internets, to see if they actually do look like the picture - you can either grab some great bargains or learn a lot  from my mistakes!

Expectation vs Reality: Part #5 > The 99p Top

Expectation > Strappy, white vest top with lace detailing [which I bought for 99p with £1.99 postage, bringing the grand total to £2.98] which came with a 3 week delay as it was shipped in from Hong Kong.

The main reason I wanted to buy one of these tops, is because they are all over Depop and selling for a variety of different prices [many for over a tenner.] I wanted to see what these sellers are offering their customers, as well as a lengthy wait for their product to be delivered. So I took one for the team; after all, for £2.98 shipped to my front door, how bad could it be?

There it is, displayed in the seller's stock imagery [listing / original images found here.] It doesn't look at all shiny, does it? And it looks like a slightly longer-length crop too, doesn't it, certainly not a boob-skimmer?


It's time for you guys to meet the shiniest, sh*ttest thing i've ever bought.

Reality > Best described as a hybrid between a "sexy", shiny piece of lingerie, a bed wetting sheet and a sick joke; this top ranks in the top five worst things I've ever bought in my life. And I mean, I have made some seriously debatable purchases in my time on the planet; you'd genuinely look back at my previous fashion choices and vom.

I think that the photos I've taken here, once I've put my filter on them, actually make it look better than it actually is. Even the camera can't pick up how truly horrend this garment is. So before I pop in my stylised blog photos, here's one of it filter-free [but with a tie in the everlasting halter-neck string to avoid any flashing incidents.]

I mean, really.

What is its life? Why is it so shiny?

How does the top even sit? Like, why is the neck string so long and so adjustable? How does it even? I have to tie little knots in the everlasting halter-neck string to make it sit remotely normally. And then, it's loose on the sides. But then when I pull it so it sits flat across boob valley, the strings are that long, the top of my boobs then pop out for all the lols? And if I pull it higher up to cover the top of my boobs, the base of my boobs are exposed?!

What is Asia's deal with sizing?!

This is a size XXL top. You'd think with a description like that, it would be for an unusually large size, but no; this was classed as being a size 12-14 top, just with a size 32131231 length halter-neck string running through it.

One minute, I'm buying midi rings from Asia that in the photos can apparently can be worn on as a normal ring at the base of your finger - but which I can't even fit over my nail and which make me feel like a jumbo sized mutant - and the next, I buy a size 12-14 top [which should fit me and the twins in] but it's halter-neck is so long it becomes almost pornographic with all the gaping - and at the back of my mind, I can't forget that that shiny beast of a playsuit in an apparent size 12-14 wouldn't even fit over my arse without ripping into a million, horrific pieces! 

Conclusion > With its sh*te side zip and the long adjustable neck string [what even?] there are few words invented which sum up how magnificently crap this top is. Girls, don't get fooled on Depop; I wouldn't even want someone paying 99p for this shiny beast, let alone £15.

But if after reading this, you do still want a slice of this monstrous action [for whatever reason, I won't judge] you can do so here. Even if it's just for the comedy value. 

What are your thoughts? Have you had any epic 'Expectation vs Reality' moments with things you've bought online, or any amazing bargains off eBay?

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