I firmly believe I carry around a shame magnet, always attracting either a) the village madman, telling me about their lack of sex life [this has legit happened on more than one occasion] or b) copious amounts of embarrassment and shame.
Once, when I used to work in retail, I was trying to make a customer feel better that his card had been declined by empathising with him and telling him the story of how my card had been declined in Asda for a solitary can of Smart Price tuna. After this truly emb [embarrassing, sorry I love a good bit of slang] tale he said 'But you can't tell you live such a life of shame, you're always laughing and smiling!' To which I replied, 'I'm always laughing son, because my life is a bit of a joke.' And it's kinda gone from there.
I truly believe you have to laugh at yourself every once in a while or else you'd go a bit mental. No-one should take themselves that seriously. So I'm here to share that joke with you; for us to lol together at my expense. For the next few weeks, I'm going to get back onboard the old #TMIFridays bandwagon again [read more about what the frig I'm talking about here] through a new collection of posts: 'The Most Embarrassing Moments Of My Life Series.' I'm not too sure how much is too much when it comes to oversharing, so I will reign it in a bit [unless you guys give me permission to do otherwise] but if you fancy putting a request in, I'll most likely have an embarrassing story to fit.
So here we go. Kicking it off, the first episode from this toe-curling, awkward laugh series, will be a post called:
#1 - The Strapless Dress Incident
And it's probably not what you think.
Whilst I was working in the same retail store where I shared my experiences re: the tuna-gate scandal, shame followed me around like a bad smell. And it's quite likely a bad smell followed me around too, as this was coincidentally during the period of my life where birds pooed on me most days.
On this occasion, I had spent ages with a customer who was choosing from a selection of our maxi dresses, helping her pick the one she felt happiest in and which was most suited to the occasion she had in mind etc. You know, general customer service.
When she brought her dress of choice to the till, we carried on chatting about it as I scanned her stuff and bagged it up. She went for a slinky, strapless maxi dress in the end, so I complimented her on her choice. The customer [who was an all round lovely lady, by the way] said that she was happy that the dress came with removable straps, so that she had the option to put those on to make the dress feel more comfortable on her.
To which, without even thinking, I said:
"Yeah, I know what you mean. Sometimes, it just feels better with a strap on."
And then it hit me what I'd said. The embarrassment and shame from the word I had just left awkwardly to hang in the air cascaded over me. I legit don't know how I continued the rest of that transaction without imploding from the suppressed , awkward, embarrassed giggles trapped in the pit of my stomach.
She knew. She looked just as awkward as me. We were in mystery shopper season and I had just said the word 'STRAP ON' quite loudly in a customer's face. There was no coming back from that. But hell, I laughed till I cried after she'd gone, imagining if she was the mystery shopper and the report she'd give me [turns out we had already been mystery shopped and I'd also spoken to this girl and told her that 'Although this dress looks a bit questionable right and a bit like a bat with its wings spread on the hanger; give it a chance - cos it's really nice when you actually put it on.']
Hope you enjoyed this first instalment of just one of the countless embarrassing moments which make up my life. Let me know if you enjoyed this post, think this is a good idea, or if you think its just another way for me to show myself up in public!
Have you done anything embarrassing lately?
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