Friday, 12 June 2015

#TMIFridays - The Most Embarrassing Moments of My Life Series, #2

Hello beauts; welcome to the very latest in my #TMIFridays weekly instalments of shame series. 


Life can be a biatch sometimes - it's been playing some sick kind of joke on me for the past few months - but it's important sometimes to take the [sick] joke and be able to laugh at yourself. Therefore, I'm here to share some of my most cringeworthy, shameful and plain old embarrassing life experiences with you; so we can lol together at my expense. The sort of things I'd have died inside over if they'd have happened to me as an angst ridden teen, but now I'm older and my dignity's long gone; I can lol about. 

For the next few weeks, I'm going to get back onboard the old #TMIFridays bandwagon again [read more about what the frig I'm talking about here] through a new collection of posts: 'The Most Embarrassing Moments Of My Life Series.' And you can catch up on shame you may have missed from last week here *Spoiler alert - you'll never look at bandeau dresses in the same light again*


#2 The first time I was stung by a wasp


I'd say that when something bad happens to me, it's never just by halves. If I'm going to do something stupid or embarrassing, it's never just something minor; it's all or nothing. 

When I'm going to cock things up, I do it on an epic or severely cringeworthy scale. And my first times are no exception to the rule. For example, my first serious injury was when I dislocated my knee, dressed as a cartoon character and ending up in me having to get a nurse to put my pants back on for me whilst on the toilet [this is another story in itself, so I won't ruin it] and my first kiss was tainted by the pungent aroma / taste of pickle Monster Munch [it still makes me heave now.]


So this is a nice, embarrassing first for you, as part of the #TMIFridays emb series, involving one winged assassin and his arse dagger [sting.] Here we go.

I was sat in a minibus full of tourists, on holiday in Turkey. It had been a lovely day; we'd all been to the beach and to the mudbaths, so we were sat drying off in the sun as the transfer bus dropped us back at our hotels. I was sat by the window, with a lovely cool breeze blowing in my face. Ahh, it was lovely.

UNTIL A BLOODY WASP BLEW IN THROUGH THE WINDOW RIGHT ONTO ME. 

Obv when this massive winged ninja suddenly came crashing through the window, I shat myself. And it had been blown in through the window,  right onto my boob, as I was wearing a bikini top. In a mad panic [imagine hysterical screaming and this little Turkish driver looking at me in a mix of confusion and horror as I was sat right next to him] I managed to flick the wasp off my breast and I naively thought it was over.

Oh no, this tropical bastard had other ideas.


When I flicked him off me, he didn't fly away; he just dropped like he was hot. And as I was sitting down, where did he end up? Yes, in between my legs. When I was wearing hotpants. 


To summarise, the first time I was stung by a wasp, it was in an area no wasp should ever go. 

No doubt being stung anywhere on the body would hurt, but when a wasp very nearly impregnates you with its stinger [yeah, I'm talking about down there] I will tell you now; it hurts. No-one had any idea what was going on and I looked like both a flipping mentalist and a sexual deviant at the same time as I was yelling out some pretty colourful swears and shrieks whilst also trying to subtly remove a stinger from my crotch area. Safe to say, I didn't make any friends on that holiday.


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Have you ever been stung by one of these winged warriors before? Do you have an embarrassing tale to tell?

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