Sunday, 10 September 2017

Dating Disasters : Finding Love & Lols*


From falling [publicly] on my arse several times, accidentally flashing strangers, pulling using a digital horse as my wingman, 4am toast appreciation sessions and my card getting declined for a solitary tin of Smart Price tuna - my life as an adult has been filled with comedy gold. Or severe emotional trauma, whichever way you decide to look at it. 

Several of these hilarious yet insanely embarrassing / hilar moments have, of course, been centred around dating and those of the opposite sex. As a heterosexual [gay4Gweni, tho] knobhead of a human, I've shown myself up in countless social situations and romantic interactions over the years. Some of which I thought I'd share with you guys today, for a laugh.

I think it's important to remember that the path to meeting new people isn't always smooth, fruitful or even necessarily worth it, if they turn out to be a total cockweed; but it IS a lot of fun and 100% worth putting yourself out there for, if you're ready / looking. You never know who you'll meet, or what fun is ahead.

Dating Disasters - Finding Love and Lols

1. Drunk Texts
Oh my life, the drunk text era was the WORST / funniest now, when I think back to it. I never sent like pure feelings or professions of love during this smashed part of my life [well, that much anyway] - I'm talking life ruining pointless sh*te. Like most of it was illegible to other humans and made them question their own lives - like how had they let this mad b*stard [me] even get hold of their number?!

For example, I once was dating this really pretty boy and I text him at about 4am telling him I was taking part in an egg and spoon race at the moment [I definitely wasn't] and would he support me? Turns out he wouldn't, he thought I was sh*tting MENTAL and cut all ties ahahahahah.

Leading on from Drunk Texting, we have

2. That Time I Text My Entire Contacts List, from A-B
This, potentially, was a lifesaving [though tw*ttish] move by myself - as I have no idea who the message I had written was intended for and I'm hoping it never reached them, as I totally passed out [drunkenly] halfway through writing it. 

In my second year of uni, when the Drunk Text Life was very much real, I accidentally texted everyone from A-B in my Contacts list telling them that I loved them. A simple message, 'i love you' ... sent to the Alarm Code, Blockbuster [lol RIP], my boss and my friend's boyfriend; to name just a few of the embarrassing recipients. To this day, I have no idea who the original message was meant for.

3. Dog Poo
Yes, it's not exactly a romantic or thrilling prospect is it... but one of the most romantic moments of my adult life actually involves canine crap. One of my best friends & I met these two lads on a night out, and we went back to one of theirs for a party with them / their mates. We were lying on the trampoline in the backyard, gazing at the stars, when suddenly the lad my mate was into goes:


'OH F*CKING HELL, I thought I could smell something... I'VE PURE STOOD IN DOG SH*T, MATE! It's f*cking EVERYWHERE!!!'

It turns out the grass around the trampoline was laced with a million dog poos, which was a total mood killer. But then, my guy sacrificed his white, indie as hell pumps to the dog turd arena in order to carry me inside safely; so I didn't have to tread in it. Romance isn't dead, people.

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This post has been sponsored by a handful of dating sites scattered across the UK [such as this Dorset dating site and this Derbyshire dating site] there to help people of all ages, needs and locations find love... or whatever it is you're after. Cos no matter what your age; provided it's legal, consensual and safe, no strings / adult dating is an option sought by many - you'd be surprised by how many single / older ladies and gents fancy a quickie outside of Tinder.

For any of my older readers who fancy getting involved with some over 50s dating [cos why not?!] ... or perhaps any of you guys looking to get your Mum / Dad / Grannies back out there, why not check out resources such as over 50s dating Cheshire or over 50s dating Oxfordshire; depending on where you're based. I wish you love, luck and a lack of dog poo in your dating journey!!

Where did you meet your significant other? Which apps / dating websites do you use to seek love [if any]? Any funny stories to share of your own? 
*Sponsored post - your gal's gotta fend off the baliffs somehow, kids xox
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