Friday, 27 March 2015

#TMIFridays | An insight into my life this week

So, as part of good old #TMIFriday, I thought I'd just share with you a few personal insights into my life these past couple of weeks. It's been a bit of a mad one - I've been working my arse off trying to make ends meet financially, my relationship finally imploded and there's been plenty of tears and flare ups of anxiety. Plus, I still can't walk without crutches after the accident I had in September; though hopefully I can start to come off them over the next few weeks.

But having said that; I've made it through and I'm here to tell the tale. I'm proud of myself for [despite the less than ideal situation which is my current life] all the things I'm managing to achieve, when it would be so easy to just give up and wallow in my feelings of self pity.

It's nice to take a moment to reflect at the end of the week on all the stuff you have achieved and enjoyed; rather than remembering the panic attacks that kicked in while you were doing the washing up. So while I may dish the juicy deets on why my choice of boyfriend was the worst ever and the immature name [accompanied with descriptive emojis] I have him saved under in my phone, it won't be today.


  • The SUN; he finally got his hat on. No matter what mood you wake up in, no matter what's on your mind; when you see that morning sun creeping round your bedroom curtains, it's incredible.

    I went for a little crutch about outside the other day; just to breathe in the Summery air, feel the gentle Spring breeze against my face and the rays of sunshine warming my soul.

    And although I felt like some mad hippy bastard on crutches [not helping that I hadn't exactly brushed my hair for a while, think I probs looked a lot like Gandalf with his stick TBH] I didn't even care. It was a lovely moment for me.

  • Reading. I've discovered some awesome blogs this week and some fab online stores too; little start-up business boutiques with amazing handmade bikinis, headbands and dresses. And stationary. I'll do a post on my favourites another day; but I've enjoyed many an hour soaking in the tub and reading about your lives this week. So thank you all for being so awesome and writing such positive, empowering stuff.
  • Receiving Post. You might have seen my post on my first ever subscription to Birchbox this week; but it was a really lovely experience with some great little samples in that I really enjoyed. Little slices of luxury and mystery, straight to my front door.




  • This is slightly grim, but I feel really strongly about health and being open about things that are worrying you; so I'm going to share. By sharing this, if just one person reads it and takes a positive action of their own which benefits their health, I feel like I've achieved something.

    So I'll stop farting around now and tell you about what I'm alluding to.

    I had a tiny mole on my thigh which had really started to bother me. It was only small, but it had always been quite dark and the more I looked at it [and the more I Googled it] the more convinced I was that my life was drawing to en end.

    In the end, my anxiety about it got so bad I hauled myself to the Doctors to get it looked at. And this is a big step for me; old me would have hidden her [oversized] head in the sand and just put it to the back of her mind. 'Something for future me to worry about' was a common thought in my old mindset. I'm terrified of hospitals, the doctors etc so I would do anything to avoid them.

    After he looked at it, he said he honestly thought it was fine and to not worry. So I went back home and didn't think about it ... until a few days later when I was really tired and had a massive anxiety flare-up about it and ended up ringing NHS Direct like a crazy person. I took myself back to the Doctors and he agreed that he would remove it, on the grounds of how anxious I'd become. He described the small surgical procedure he would use to remove the mole and told me that where he took it off, I would be left with a scar which would look like a cigarette burn and much worse than the actual mole ever did in the first place. He said the word 'scalpel' and 'needle' and about burning the skin closed and I nearly did a sick in my chair. And then he asked me if knowing that, did I still want to proceed. 

    That was my chance to chicken out - the chance to hide from my fears, to bury my head in the sand and just hope that the mole would be ok, hope that the anxiety wouldn't become too severe. But I didn't. I took a proactive approach; even if this mole was ok for now, it had all the characteristics of one which could go bad in the future. Could I really keep the worrying at bay? Would it not be better for my well-being to face my fears and go on to live life either knowing a result or never having to worry myself about the mole again? So I booked myself in to have it removed.

    The procedure itself took literally about five minutes - and most of that was me rambling on and saying 'I'M SCARED I'M SCARED!' repeatedly. And yes, I do now have a small circular scar on my thigh where the mole used to be. But I'm alive. I'm being proactive about my health.  My mole was burnt off with a white hot scalpel [whilst my leg was numbed] and I didn't feel a thing. He popped my tiny mole into a little jar and sent it off for testing [and it did look funny bobbing around in a little jamjar ahaha.]

    The reason why I've classed this as an achievement, is because I'm really proud of myself. For facing my fears, for being proactive, for putting health before vanity and for being determined enough to go through with something unpleasant, for the good of my future.

    It is so, so important to check your skin and be aware of your moles and any changes in them. Those moments of utter and sheer panic in the bath, convinced I was going to come to a grizzly end - made me realise the value of life even more. It's honestly not worth having a bangin' tan or visiting the beds every week, if it means you lose your life.

    I downloaded a great app on iOS called 'Doctor Mole' where you can take pictures of your moles and it scans them; looking at their symmetry, border and colour. You can save your results, the size of the mole and the photo of it etc; along with a note about how quickly you feel it is changing. You can also set a reminder to check your mole again in x number of weeks; where you can take another picture and compare the two. I don't want to freak you all out - but it is SO important to be aware of this stuff. If you spot changes quickly, they can remove your mole really simply and you more than likely will be fine. If I can face up to this; you can. So be aware and never take your health - or your life - for granted.

    As for me, I am still waiting to see if I get a letter in the post about the results. The doctor said I would only hear back if they found some irregular cells in the mole. So as I said to him 'I hope I don't hear from you again.' But if I do, I guess I'll have to just deal with it and know that I did the right thing getting it removed as soon as I started to worry about it.


These aren't even really pet peeves; more like all round pain-in-the-ARSES. But I wanted to keep to a positive themed post, so I'll just call them peeves to be polite.

  • My skin has gone horrendous recently. I never really had spots as a teen, yet now as a nearer to 30 than 21 year old, it appears I am making up for lost time. I'm getting pretty good at covering it all though; you'd never know. And obv, using only el cheapo product too. I might aim to do a post this week on how I achieve even coverage, even through the bad times.

  • OBV the break-up has to be a pet peeve. It's meant my anxiety has gone through the roof; I honestly have enough on my mind right now without this too. I'm just not letting my brain process feelings about it right now. Bit too much for it to handle and I don't want to end up doing a full on Britney Spears circa 2007.



  • I know I'm about a decade too late to the party with this; but I have JUST got into Geordie Shore. I. LOVE. it!!!! I heart Vicky and Charlotte and Holly so much! Especially Charlotte. And their accents. Like I've sacrificed sleep and evs to watch it haha. Pretty big sacrifice in my book.

  • Easter eggs. I don't really need to say much more. It's not Easter... but they're being eaten under my roof! By me.

  • Obsessively online shopping, imagining what it would be like to be really rich and then just leaving the stuff to fester in my shopping basket on the off-chance I win the EuroMillions and can come back later to press 'Proceed to Checkout'. Girls gotta dream!



What's this week held for you? What were your ups and downs? What do you have planned for next week?

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