Wednesday, 4 March 2015

Top five | things I wish I knew as a teenager


1. If someone doesn't like you ... who gives a shit? The world is much bigger than [insert name of town you live in] and one day, if you play your cards right, you can be outta there; away fast on a laughing camel. 

Will it really matter in ten years time about whether those girls who turned their noses up at you when you were fifteen like you yet; or whether you ever got over your fear of that horrible scally who punched you in the arm after your TB jab? No. So they can just about swivel

Also, why don't they like you? BECAUSE THEY'RE OTHER, HORMONAL TEENAGERS who define and learn about themselves on the differences they have from others. Don't take it personally. 

In a few years, you'll all be able to get on just fine as you bump into each other, bladdered in the local pub's toilets. The teenage social hierarchy will be broken. Popular kids and geeks can walk arm in arm, their differences cast aside. 

And these girls will add you on Facebook and comment on your statuses like nothing ever happened; like their comments about your fringe didn't cause you to go into meltdown. 

Or, you can move 60 miles away and start afresh [like I did.] See ya.

2. School days aren't the best days of your life; and whoever said that needs to have a word with themselves. 

Sure, they're the ones where you have the least responsibility and where you can 'act out' [ie be a bit of a dick to people and it's mostly ok] in order to find yourself. Plus, you get to hang out with other kids five days a week and just lol heavily at each other's expense.. but apart from that, there's nothing fun about school. 

I think I went to a particularly grim school; don't know many other places of education where there were stray dogs running loose through the corridors, the bus driver was shagging the pupils and people burnt out cars on the playing fields... but even if you go to Eton; school life isn't a bed of roses. It's allllll about your 18-21 years, guys. Uni changed my life.

3. Bullies aren't forever. 

They are spineless, nasty people and in ten years time, when you look up your taunter on Facebook and see how much better your life is than theirs; it'll make all those tears worth it. Pinky promise.

Use the bricks they throw at you [metaphorical bricks] to build a solid foundation for the rest of your life. 

They might think they're getting you down; but nothing will infuriate them more than when you rise above them in the future. 

4. Don't overpluck your eyebrows. 

Really. My Mum always warned me of the perils of overplucking; but it really was the 'in-thing' to do at the time. The thinner the better. 

Thank the Lord for eyebrow pencils; without my eyebrow kit I look like I've got about 12 ASBOS to my name. 

And I don't.


5. Friends come and go, but family is forever. 

You might be moody, you might be stressed cos your best mate is hanging out with other kids and leaving you out or you might be terribly depressed about how that boy you're obsessed with won't text you back [look them up in ten years time; you'll LOL at your past judgement] but don't take your family for granted. Or take out your stress on them.

Try and build good relationships with them and remember that they are only human. They might piss you off, embarrass you in front of your friends or act like general cocks sometimes ['no boys till you're 30!'].. but looking back on it now.. I just think, could I have done any better at that age? Is there an instruction manual on parenting? [an official one, not those 'Your Naughty Child and You' self-help books that used to appear on Mum's shelf] NO. 

So cut them some slack. They're doing their best for you and that should be appreciated always, no matter what. Choose family time every now and again; even though it might not be 'cool' to your friends... cos you only get one life, one family and one chance to thank them for all they have done for you.


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