Friday, 12 February 2016

#Lifestyle Post ... [slightly misleading title soz, as I don't actually have a life]

20 things I've done way too much of this week:


1. Swearing
I have let out some almighty swears this week - and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't enjoyed them. Each and every curse word I've dropped. The number of times I've said 'Oh just f*** off' out loud / in my mind has been tremendous. Computers of the world, I blame you for this. Just effing work

2. Dodging hairbrushes [though the ditzy ponytail is now a thing, have you seen? Not being funny like - I've been repping this look for about 2 years now #BeArsedWithMyHair]

3. Spilling stuff
The amount of drinks I spill in a week is just something else. It's got to the point where my boss now refers to it as my 'morning spill' - I've literally spilt THAT MUCH COFFEE this week. What a waste of precious caffeine

4. Gambling
I'd embellish on this, but I'm actually a little emb at how much thoughts of winning the Lottery dominate my life

4. Oversleeping and switching off my three million alarms. And then rushing to get ready and ending up looking like a mad smackhead, with crazy last minute eyebrows




5. Eating all of the biscuits and chocolate available in the North West
I'm a beast

6. Spending time wishing I could get up on time and look like a decent human
Very much wishful thinking

7. Having multiple run-ins with eggs
I've blown up eggs in the microwave on numerous occasions this week. I'm bitter about it. The other day, I stirred them and an air bubble popped and splattered egg all over my face. FML

8. Using way too much conditioner
Anyone else get through 900ml of conditioner in about 3 days?

9. Despising Valentine's Day and all the sh*t radio adverts that accompany it
I heard an advert on the radio yesterday which said something like 'This Valentines Day, show them how much you care by giving them a digital radio. Think of all the stations you can listen to.' Whut. I'd rather have last minute Milk Tray with a 'Whoops' sticker on the box

10. Standing in Post Office queues 
I'm trying to get the #OverheardInThePostOffice trending tbh - some of the convos I've heard in there recently have been world class. 

Today's was: 

Middle aged woman: 'How've you been girl?' 
Elderly woman: 'Ey, not bad like - had a massive heart attack in the park the other week though yeno.'

And a personal fave from the other day: 

Drunk woman who was high on life: 'Ey girl, have you noticed how many of those little flies there is around at the moment?'

11. Making lists
It's all I do tbh

12. Not replying to most of my messages
Soz

13. Putting off fake tanning
I'm that bloody pale, I'm see through. Just call me Translucent Tracey and let's be done with it

14. Playing on Snapchat
A good filter solves everything. I've been having a right good stalk of everyone's stories this week - add me if you're not a sex pest or pure randomer, my username's xnla88x [and I don't want to unexpectedly see your abs or penis, thank you]

15. Instagram stalking
I can very rarely be arsed to comment, but I'm there, creeping behind the scenes


16. Drinking way too much coffee
Whilst spilling it in equal measures

17. Singing / attempting to rap like Nicki Minaj dead loud in the bath [the beauty of living alone and having no mates]

18. Saying things wrong
I've been incapable of putting together a single sentence this week. All my words have come out in the wrong order as I've said them and I've just had to laugh at myself to mask it, making me sound even more like a mentalist

19. Lolling at inneundos that I probably shouldn't do
One day, I'll scrape my mind out of the gutter

20. Violently swearing at people in my mind
I've been more intolerant of other members of the public this week than ever. And I've really relished the colourful sentences of hatred I've been imagining in my mind. Soz not soz

/

Do any of these things sound familiar / do any of you do any of this stuff on the daily? Or am I just one clumsy, anti social old bag? LOL - I think I already know the answer to that one!!

Till next time...

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