Sunday, 14 January 2018

5 of the WORST Places I've Been - 10/10 WOULD NOT Recommend For A Date / To Maintain Your Relationship*


Much as I've been to some beautiful places in my life [Mykonos, Olu Deniz, Asda Smithdown Road and Poundland .... to name just a few] there's a few that stand out in my mind as the worst locations I've ever been to and should be avoided at all costs. Especially if you're thinking of taking someone you're dating there ... or maintaining your existing relationship after visiting said location. Let's name and very much shame.

5 of the WORST Places I've Been - 10/10 WOULD NOT Recommend For A Date / To Maintain Your Relationship Lovelaughslipstick Blog

Post Office, Liverpool One
I have to kick off with this one, because it is probably the worst place to ever step foot in in the North West.  Even my Mum agrees, so there.

Yes, the queue is abnormally long & you will spend the rest of your life in there. Yes, there are only like, 2 staff on during peak hours and everyone's pure kicking off. Yes, there are some very debatable characters in the queue [often smacked off their tits on crack] yelling out all kinds of obscenities and generally terrifying everyone around you. And yes, guaranteed there will be someone in said queue of doom who absolutely HUM DINGS and it makes you gag & die inside. 

But the worst part of this traumatic experience is the heat. Oh bby Yeezus. If you go in Summer, you're pretty much going to die in there. Even if you go in Winter, when you've got your proper big coat on and it's approx -23 degrees outside, the minute you climb up them stupidly steep stairs [or take the lift and get judged by old people] and into Royal Mail's fiery pits of hell you'll be sweating buckets & praying to all that is holy that your deodorant can hold its own against such evil extremities.

The number of relationships I've seen crumble apart waiting in that queue... The patience tested by the sweltering conditions, farts and frustration lingering in the air. Pls avoid. Don't think it's safe on a date to say 'Oh can we just nip in the Post Office for two seconds whilst I post this return back to ASOS? I literally won't be a minute' because all that is lies and you won't be the same person you were before your time in there. But you'll most likely have lost your date to heat, exhaustion or spontaneous combustion.

The Aldi in Manchester Arndale
There's just something about the lighting in that place that sends me west and gives me headaches coupled with nausea, unbridled anger and complementary rage.

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The Sewage Works
Yes, I'm aware that this wouldn't ever be a place you'd suggest to a potential lover as a date location... but also... would you recommend it as a school trip destination? No? Because my Primary School did. Off we went - a bunch of happy 7 year olds, before our souls were destroyed by North West Water and tonnes of sh*te. The stuff you saw floating in dat water, though.

I vividly recall a moment where this man giving us the grand tour of the facilities said 'WHO WANTS TO SEE SOME POOOOOOOOOO?' and regardless of what the answer was, pulled open this trap door to reveal literally mountains of turd & a smell that's ingrained in my mind forever. 0/10

A&E 
A test of resilience, patience, sanity and relationships at its finest. I've seen some of the maddest stuff go on in A&E - couples who've had HUGE rows that've gone wrong [note that time I sat in there from 10pm at night to 7am the following morning, with a man who's wife had hit him in the head with an axe - or the drunk man who just took his pants off and pooed on the floor] and been sat chillin having my blood taken with the police next to me, with a raging criminal handcuffed to them [and to the chair] having his done too. Brilliant

It's truly terrifying in there sometimes, and to all the people who go there when it's not an emergency and just have a cough or something ... why would you do that to yourself?!

Carlito's Pizza
This delightful local establishment does takeaway, so one night when I was living in halls at Uni and we were all a bit boozed up post-club, we ordered food from our boy Carlito. I eagerly opened my box of chips and cheese - accidentally upside down - only to find a raging pile of pubes in the cheese. And when I rang the takeaway, obv drunk, to complain; the man on the other end of line said 'Does it make you horny?'

No further explanatory words needed as to why this destroys potentially romantic vibes hahahahaha.

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This is a very tongue in cheek account of some of the worst places [and situations] I've found myself in; whereby relationships would [and in some cases, have been!] pushed to their limits; by poo, heat, smackheads and pubic hair. I'm sure no matter where you're at in the dating game - whether you're looking for something long term or in the more adult dating mindset, you'll have things a lot more figured out than I do in my general adult life, but there's a few pointers for ya anyway qweens. 

If you're looking for loveeeee or someone to share these horrific adventures with, online dating could be the place to track down bae. These Guernsey dating sites and Sheffield dating sites may be of interest to you in beginning your romantic journey - or maybe click on this next link if you're instead looking to date Birmingham singles instead. Alternatively, sites such as this one can help initiate dating in Suffolk and single men in Central can use / be located on this one! Scroll away, ladies and gents.

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Where would you advise someone to avoid in a dating or relationship situation? Do you have any worst place stories to share in the comments?
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