Sunday, 4 March 2018

10 People You Should [Maybe] Avoid Dating*

In my opinion [and from several, failed & disasterous personal experiences] I have found / believe that there are a few characters in life who are probably best to avoid; in terms of making them ya potential bae. Obv that creep with a girlfriend [who keeps sending requests for nudes] is firmly on that list - as is that bellpiece who led you on for months, then ghosted the frig outta ya. But here's a few others you might wanna avoid; for an assortment of reasons. 

As always, this dating post is light-hearted AF and should be taken with a pinch of salt and a lorra lols - you might already be dating one of these candidates & be pure loved up. And that's fab, no shade thrown. I guess I'm just a bitter, miserable old hag when it comes to romance; as my own romantic life is as stale as a piece of bread that's been festering in the bottom of your kitchen bin for a few weeks. Yum.

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1. The Guy in the Corner Shop 
Nothing against the fella - I know the man in my local is an absolute doll & was mega relieved when he realised I wasn't, in fact, dead... but think about it, queens. When I roll over [well, crutch over / limp like I've shat my pants] to the shop, I'm normally at my absolute worst. No makeup, hair brush successfully dodged and usually hangin' out me arse after a wild one. 

If I start bangin him, I might have to start looking less like a crackhead on a Sunday morning and more like a functioning member of society. And ain't nobody got time for that. And the next time I head over to buy 6 slabs of Dairy Milk, a f*ck tonne of the cheapest coffee and a raging jar of Nutella to eat in the bath, I don't wanna feel judged. I like to keep my horrific diet & the reason behind my mass weight gain a dirty little secret. And I don't wanna have to start going to another shop to do that.

2. The Office Pooer
I'm led to believe that every office has one. Fair enough - some people have medical issues and have to crack a cheeky no2 out, and that's perfectly okay. And I guess sometimes, when ya gotta go - you gotta go.

I'm talking about that one dude who sh*tes for England, every single day after eating a rancid greasy curry for lunch, and punishes the porcelain in a way so evil it's almost unspeakable. If they can do that to the communal bathroom, with little remorse to ya colleagues who share these facilities, think what they'll be like at home. OR DON'T.

3. Anyone who doesn't like animals
Who are these people?! Are they real?

4. People who voted Brexit & Trump Supporters
No further explanation needed.

5. That F*ck Boy you had that gut feeling about
Always trust your gut. Never trust the gut of the Office Pooer.

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6. Your Boss
Although I do know a few people who've made this work, bangin your boss is an activity you should defo approach with caution. Unless you're certain there's something there worth pursuing, you're risking a helluva lot for a bitta cock. And in some companies, this is also a sackable offence. Is it rly worth getting the sack, over a quickie in the sack?

7. Your BFF's ex / love interest
GIRL CODE ACTIVATED. Though some snakey snakes will still do this to you anyway. If you're gonna go for it, make sure you sit and talk it over with them first. And that his wang / her wanjina is worth the potential fallout.

8. Your Snakey Ex
Tell them to get in the sea, and remain in there pls.

9. Your Dentist [although if super hot, make exceptions, you can always change practices]
Purely because you don't wanna be judged on the cookie wrappers and remnants of cake scattered around your home. At least if you brush good you can hide it, and avoid that judgemental stare... but if you invite this oral hygiene enthusiast into your home & he sees the itemised Asda order you placed [that one with all the £1 Easter Eggs on, even though it's not Easter and you don't have anyone to buy them for other than your own belly] there's no escape. I'd rather sh*t in my hands & clap than date my arrogant denny anyway, but that's just me. 

10. The Postman / Parcel Guy for your area
It's nothing personal, Paul the Postman, cos you're an absolute babe and exempt from all possible criticism... but picture this. 

You're dating your postie, it's all grand and you get premium post privileges. But then he farts in your mouth when you're asleep, does a poo on the M62 and tells you he's been having it off with Edna three doors down [as they bonded over stamps] and you break up; recoiling in horror. And suddenly, your Blogger Mail starts disappearing, or being left in cray-cray locations... or held hostage until you forgive him for his sneaky, poo fuelled ways. OH HELL NO. Defo not worth jeopardising the safety of my Cult Beauty order for. Plus, I enjoy my chats with the delivery crew; wouldn't wanna jeopardise that. I'm a regular with Royal Mail; the man in the depot invited me to the staff Christmas party.. hahaha.

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SO. All that being said, perhaps you're wondering... well, where the hell DO I find normal people to date? and that's a bloody good question. So many of the globe's occupants are total tits. However, there are a few good eggs out there; and in today's modern, digital world, online dating makes finding these rarities much, much easier. Singles in Derbyshire might find someone who tickles ya fancy using that linked site; whereas this website is a total game-changer on the County Tyrone dating scene.

The best dating sites in Cumbria will defo open up the doors of dating opportunity for those of you up North [like, even further North than me and my northern tones of joy] and if you're looking for a Cardiff dating site [for you or maybe ya Ma - who might enjoy this over 50s dating Cardiff site] ... well, there ya go. GO FORTH AND FIND YO [Trump hating, animal loving, non-postal related] BAE! 

Who would you swerve in your quest for love?
*This post is a sponsored one. But all opinions shown here are my own & 100% written by meeee.

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