Sunday, 25 March 2018

Ten Defining Moments of Any Relationship*


As well as nerve wracking, sometimes disastrous, hilarious [if you're me] and fun; dating is packed with so many firsts & pivotal moments that are totes worth talking about. 

From the moment you realise you're falling in love, them butterflies in ya belly when you have a cheeky neck and those powerful rushes of RAGE when you realise he's been using your most expensive perfume as a spray to mask his poo smell... dating is the emotional rollercoaster that just keeps on giving. Even if he doesn't

Here's my thoughts on some of the defining moments all relationships seemingly go through - for better or for worse!

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The First Date
This is a pivotal moment rly. Did you feel butterflies, or flutters in the downstairs department? Did the conversation flow naturally, did you have a laugh or was his personality like a stale meatloaf? Where did you go - McDonalds or somewhere a little higher up in the location hierarchy? SO many decisions are made during the first date - whether you fancy him, whether it will go any further, or whether he's fit but sh*t and needs to get in the bin. But they're also extremely fun; getting to know someone new and learn more about yourself simultaneously. So even if he turns up to be a crackhead letching at other girls and smells like rancid BO, he might be fantastic friend material. Or maybe just good for a free drink before you climb out of the toilet window.

The First Fart
You might be well known for your noxious gases - or you may prefer to stick to the philosophy that girls don't fart and only ever let them loose in the privacy of your home bowl... but queen. That first fart. It's coming. It will happen at some point, no matter how hard you try and hold it in. But it's not as terrible as you imagine - typically, it's met with intense laughter from bae and if he's a tit about it well.. probs time to dump him, cos fart humour is HILAR and anyone who doesn't enjoy a lol at an unexpected trump is not da one.

The First 'I Love You'
Who's going to say it first? Will it be in a romantic location? I remember my current 'bae' first told me he loved me about two months in, whilst we were drunk as two farts, outside the men's toilets in the most grim bar in Liverpool. It was unexpected, very soon into things and I had to just say "thank you" & hug him. AWKS. But funny.

The First Bang
Was it good? Bad? Madly passionate? Was he into any mad sh*t or  did he say someone else's name during? The dynamic of your relationship inevitably changes after the first round of intercourse.

Meeting The Friends
Will they like you? Will you like them - or are they a bunch of immature tools? Or will you actually end up fancying his best mate more than him & come to the sad realisation that you've cockblocked yourself from potentially the man of your dreams? SO MUCH POSSIBILITIES.

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Meeting Your Friends
Is Karen gonna get a bit gobby after a few too many Jagers and ask him about that weird thing he does with his knob that you'd definitely told the girls about in confidence? It's a gamble. If they don't like him, it could be a dealbreaker.

Meeting The Parents
GAH, nothing more scary than this. But if you can get through the first meeting without swearing, offending anyone or flashing your tits at the dinner table; you're golden.

Meeting Your Parents
IS Mum gonna crack the family photo albums out; specifically that blue one with the pics of you dressed as a mushroom and the one where you got wedged in the nest of tables in the front room - nude? Probs, hun. Best to do a bit of damage-control with him before entering the building.

The First Valentines
The stakes are high for the first Valentines. It's even more awkward if you've only just got together - because ALL THE CARDS EVER [bar the filthy ones I shared with you guys from Love Layla] are professions of pure love, and may be deemed psycho behaviour if gifted too early. I have lived through this situation, and it was okay. I played it safe and got him a card with some horses running in a river on. Casual. However, he went full love and I felt dead bad. But also like the cool one in the relationship. COS I AM.

The First Fight
No matter how well you get on at first, you will end up having a barney eventually. Probably over something dead trivial as well; like who ate the last bag of McCoys or used up all the hot water. Tempers will flare, swearing may commence and there's a chance you might storm out in a mad torrent of rage. But arguments are healthy and necessary in relationships - and the make-up sex can be amazing.

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Have you experienced these 'firsts' with your current bae, or are you about to cross these milestones? What defining moments has your relationship survived so far?

I guess on the flipside of this - have these milestones made you wanna seek out a potential bae [or a casual ting, no judgement here] you can fart in front of and show up in front of his mates? If so, I've got a few of the best dating sites to share with you guys - based all around the UK. 

Yorkshire singles might locate ya Mr Right / Grey [whatever floats ya boat!] using dat linked website - and those looking to crack the Shropshire dating or Galloway dating scenes might wanna check those links out. And finally - I don't really know where in the UK this is based [A* GCSE Geography serving me ded well, obv] but gang, if you're after a slice of Suffolk dating action [is it down south?] you know what to do.

As always, I'd love to hear from you guys on your defining relationship moments, funny dating stories or with requests for future dating / love posts you wanna see on Lovelaughslipstick [pls, no more requests for bumholes] - so my comments box is ready & waiting for ya below.
*Sponsored post, but all opinions and embarrassing memories are very much my own.
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