Friday, 28 November 2014

#TMIFridays - Dangerous UK Hot Spots


With it being the first week of #TMIFridays, figured I'd do a double post to get things off to a flying start.

SO, without further ado; let's discuss dangerous UK Hotspots.

Well. When I say hotspots I mean just one specific area of the UK. And also, when I say hotspot, I also mean it literally.

For the past two years, I have voyaged down south to Cornwall / Devon, as a sneaky little staycation. Both times, I have left with third degree burns.

The first of these annual traditions occurred when I voyaged down to Cornwall with my complicated-as-sin-situation male friend and his family. Whilst there, as well as being accompanied by several fights and an intense lack of physical contact, I sat on my straighteners whilst they were on and my pants were not.

To this day, I have the most angriest of scars in a perfect line across my right bum cheek, which even copious amounts of Bio Oil will not make disappear. That's my career as a bum model over - before it even began / had even crossed my mind to do so.

This year, whilst 150% sober, I stood INSIDE the same said straighteners, and burned a similar line on my right foot.

Cornwall also bode badly for me this year in other ways. My friend and I decided to fly there rather than endure a 6 hour car journey. As we were going through customs, I bumped into a classic weirdo [a bird who I used to serve and have AWKWARD conversations with in one of my old retail stores] who naturally had missed me and wondered "WHY WOULD YOU EVER LEAVE?!". As per her old ways, she also spent about 75% of this convo with her eyes darting to my breasticle area.

This seemed to arouse, not only her, but the suspicions of security team. Blates, instead of simply disguising a bit of padding in my bra, I was then suspected of carrying either weapons of mass destruction or drugs in there. I was frisked to hell and back, by an angry lithuanian woman who barked things out like 'I TOUCH YOUR BRA NOW!!!!!!!'

Erm, Ok then... and the classic "SHOW ME YOUR VEET!!!!!"

What???!?!?

"YOUR FEET!!!!! YOUR FEET!!!!!! SHOW ME THEM!!!!" 

For a half an hour flight, within the UK, wearing a maxi dress and flip flops, I was vigorously frisked. Whereas, when I'm about to leave the country and head off to Turkey or Greece, noone bats an eyelid. Though having said that, I couldn't complain too much; it was the most action I'd received in WEEKS.

Anyone else had any secret burns or injuries they'd care to admit, other than my branded bottom?

I've been me, this has been a case of #TMI and this is #TMIFriday!! Check out my blog next week for #TMIFridays - My five most memorable dates #JUICY!

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