Before I crack on with the mad ramblings of my life, I feel like I need to throw a disclaimer out here. Despite this being a 'Lifestyle' post, I need to make you aware [before you start reading this expecting pure scandal, socialising and spending] that I don't actually have a life. 

And I have even less money than I have a life, which shows how clearly in the minus I am.

Oh, plus, when I say 'Goss', take it with a [very] heavy pinch of salt, k? Goss for me is like... seeing my favourite weirdo at the shop or finding a penny on the floor. Not pure controv and scandal. But if you're into my dry sense of humour, alarmingly overdrawn bank account woes and prepared to put up with me; you're my kinda person. Here's what's been going down in my life this week.

1. I never thought I'd find myself typing this... but I've legit joined the gym. I mean, I haven't actually been yet [or even watched my induction video online] but the fact I've joined means I can eat all the chocolate now, right?

2. Although I've continued to live my life of dodging hairbrushes... I've actually had a haircut from a genuine, human professional this week... for the first time since October 2011. Who even am I?!

3. I've blogged pure loads too this week, yeno. 

There's loadsa new posts gone live... so I'm not being funny or anything, but you should probably just go ahead and follow my Bloglovin while you're here like. Although yes, I am massively bias.

4. After the success of my mini Gerard Cosmetics haul, I totally went ahead and ordered the full size Slay All Day Setting Spray. I've been using it all week and I'm super impressed. Full blog post coming soon.

5. I've unfortunately started to come down with some bellend of a cold, which I'm not happy about. And I'm still walking like I've shat myself, as this potentially broken foot situation I'm repping is still giving me agro. Yayyy adulting.

6. Panda Pop [the game] still very much has my heart... and I'm sad to announce that I think my days of obsessively playing Pokémon have finished. I just can't be arsed anymore. It's been a good run, but it's over Pikachu.

7. My new blog logo is up, running and stunning - all thanks to my beaut friend Emmy. You can check out her blog header services and other designs on her blog; she's a creative little soul and you should totally support her & her gorgeous blog too.

8. Travesty of the week = the creepy man in the shop has sold out of Red Mountain coffee [rrp £1] and it doesn't look like he's got any plans to restock it anytime soon. Life as we know it is now over.

9. Everyone seems to be going to / in / just coming back from winter sun holidays right now and I can't cope. I was chatting to Geoff, my Uber driver, and he said he'd just come back from Lanzarote. Pure showed me photos and everything - it looks unreal. And super cheap. Geoff is an enabler and my jealousy is dangerous.

10. I also had an enlightening chat / bants with a taxi driver about how weird things turn people on, and he somehow got onto the topic of car headlights being sexy. 

I asked him how he liked tail lights & bumpers, but he wasn't into that. 'Ey, look at the headlights on that!' was yelled a few times. By me, obv. I'm so inappropriate at life.

What's been going on in your life this week guys? Any good news or funny stories to share?
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