Things That [Might] Make Me Fall For / Tolerate Someone Romantically*

Although at the moment I feel about as romantic as a squashed dog turd; festering on the side of the road, there are a few qualities you can sometimes find in a fella which might [slightly] defrost my ice-queen heart. But it's otherwise as frosty as my freezer, which has frozen all three drawers shut & taken my food hostage since about 2014. Be arsed defrosting that like, I'd need a sh*tting pick axe & a team of trained huskies. 

ANYWAY - before I go off on a mad chilled food storage tangent, let's crack on with today's dating post; where I've compiled a lil list of a few of the things that occasionally make me warm towards males. In no particular order.

- Nice arms are a huge weakness for me. I'm not talking pure muscular, just... nice from the wrist to the elbow. They proper get me going yeno [I've also recently got quite into calf muscles too.]

- Not smelling like poo / rancid BO. Pls don't smell, lads. Or have death breath. Granted, you might have worked up a sweat in the gym [and to be honest, that's quite hot sometimes] but stinking like the BO of a thousand men wearing wooly jumpers & lifting weights in the Saharan Sun - whilst you're here, in the cold AF British climate & sitting down isn't okay.

- Having a dece sense of humour. If you make me laugh, I'll instantly find you around 54% more attractive. And you have to laugh at my jokes & tolerate my sarcastic, immature sense of humour too. 

- Honesty & reliability - two things which are pretty much impossible to find in this modern world. WHY LIE tho??? Just be honest & not a bellend and we'll be sound. And be on time, dependable but yet still wild enough to make me wanna bang ya. 

- Which leads me onto my next point - I love and / or need to be with someone spontaneous / fun. Sometimes, I just wanna go a bit rogue and dance on tables till 3am, book spur of the moment hotel breaks or have a cheeky neck in a risqué location. And I love surprise trips, fun ideas & creating those mad memories that'll last forever. Not constant takeaways and early nights [of a sleeping and non-sexual manner.]

- If you genuinely love all the Border Force shows on PickTV and watching all the mad sh*t people try and smuggle into the country in their pants. And the drugs toilet.

- Cheese. 

- If they love animals and floofy pets as much as I do. Okay, sure... noone can love them as much as I do. But somewhere up there in the rankings, like.

- If you're not afraid of talking about things - difficult, embarrassing or otherwise. Sometimes a good argument is all you need to clear the air and have some fantastically passionate make up sex after. But I get none of these things.

- If they have okay feet. Like, no male feet are okay. And most women ones are rancid too. Actually no, I can't embellish much further on this point as it's making me want to vom. I hate feet.

- Bit of a weird one, but good spelling and grammar proper gets me going. If you text me and it makes sense, I'm keen.

- If they're kind, cute and thoughtful. Little gifts, surprises, messages, phone calls and cuddles... just because. Not some flowers from the garage that are half dead and a 'present I've ordered online' which never shows up cos you've forgotten Valentine's again.

- Accents can occasionally make me fall a bit in love. A good scouse accent gets me pure weak at the knees - as does Manc, some Cockney and also, Scottish. I once necked a hot Scotsman after doing a lot of impressions & talking about kilts. It was triumphant.

- If you make me feel like a proper Goddess and appreciate me. I get bored proper easily - and feeling taken for granted will make me resent you and call you swear words in my head.

- A love for holidays in the sun, lying on the beach ignoring each other until it's time for food.

BONUS POINTS AWARDED FOR:

- Someone who also adores PickTV and South Park to a similar level as me

- If Clive likes you, and you like Clive

- If you don't judge me for my excessive cheese consumption [and instead, perhaps join me nibbling on some cheddar?]

- If you have tattoos [not sh*t ones though]

- NOT being a knob cheese messaging loads of birds on the sly

- Someone who loves Pokémon as much [and as tragically] as I do... you gotta know your Weedle from your Caterpie lad [and agree that after the original 151, the creators really started scrapin' the barrel with their ideas]

- Someone who has some good tactics for defeating the levels in Panda Pop; the most addictive iPhone game in the world

- Someone who has big enough balls to watch horror films with me

- Fellow haters of ET [he's a horrible wrinkly turd & he's not okay, huns xox]

What do you find attractive in a partner - are there certain traits or physical aspects that draw you in [like a moth to the flame... is that the saying? Hmm, maybe like a fly to the sh*t... I know that's a thing] every time? Are you seeking someone who ticks all dem boxes? 

What qualities or quirks attract you to a potential partner? Or what totes turns you off them?

*Sponsored post, cos ya gal's gotta occasionally eat and pay off da baliffs innit xo